My own White Knight in Shining Armour - Part 2 of 3

Villain - Inner Critic

I would like to introduce you to my villain in my latest story.  This is when funnily enough I had a mixture of emotions and feelings.  I am the villain in the latest story, great that means I can do something it about it right!

Bummer, you mean only I can do something about it.  I cannot blame anyone and here is where the fun continued  my, 'the' (am working on 'the' to externalize it, to make it easier to work with - part 3 of this blog) INNER CRITIC had an absolute ball in really messing with - 'double bind' either way I looked.  I was good because I now had clearer insight and it was bad because I was choosing this then!  You get the picture. 

This is what really hit me, right between the eyes when I wrote the second story.  I was no longer verbalising the 'villian' as an external person.  There is no doubt that at some point in my life as a child the person could be seen as a villain and really did the best they could with what they knew and who they were at the time. 

As an adult it is up to me to look after me and sure I needed to learn how and needed to learn what it looked like and to say I made mistakes is a understatement but I got there and therefore realised that my villain is actually the inner critic who has many costumes, disguises, voices etc, not all bad sounding and looking and is extremely adept at being a chameleon and changing when I get to see it clearly for what it is.  

I would like to introduce you to my White Knight in Shining Armour.  Me!  I do not mean this to sound precocious etc or from ego as I really do have many White Knight's in shining armour, who have come and gone through out my life and some continue with me and I have been so blessed and grateful.

What I mean is that once I gained awareness, had insights. I could honor that I had way more control in my life.  I realised and as with any story there are constant conflicts, battles, which eventually reduce in number and there are no longer battles, perhaps conflicts that are shorter and can be resolved in a much more compassionate way.  I do have to say that I truly believe that life is a journey with twists and turns, ups and downs and will continue to be but the difference is the angst is not as powerful for as long and paralyzing. 

Takes continual wellbeing, having fun, enjoying life, feeling feelings, discernment around what and who works, nurtures, nourishes, strengthens, brings you joy, love and fun.  This is no fairy tale.  I promise you it works.  The thing is, for the 'baby boomers' like me there is absolutely no quick fix.  Small continuous steps, with the challenges, overcoming obstacles, allowing permission to have fun in the process is what it takes and endless compassionate patience and compassion for yourself and others.  

This was a revelation to me and a testament that I had indeed grown from a depth that matters and is a permanent healthy change.  Just like when you plant a seed, no matter how much you want to see what the flowers look like you have to wait.  It needs the weather, time to be nourished, weeded, groomed before it can blossom and then it out grows itself, lets go of bits it no longer requires, experiences the seasons as it must and then blossoms once more, looking different and so it is.  Um, I use to think that was so 'twee' (sorry Louise Hay, she is a very wise lady!) and now I feel it kind of ends something at the same time as stating a new beginning. 

One of my white knights in shining armour.  

I write these blogs when I get to them and am constantly amazed just how much they bring me to a place of clarity, acceptance and gratitude.  

They are definitely a living breathing in the moment journal.  

Can I ask you who is a person who wants the best for you?  If you have such a person, can you imagine what would be one thing that they would say to you right now to help you believe in yourself for just 15 seconds?

If this is hard for you, what would be one thing you would say to someone you care about to help them start to believe in themselves for 15 seconds? 

Write that down if you wish and then say that to yourself.

You so have what it takes to succeed in your life in a way that is real to you, your version not anyone else's story or fairy tale.

Oooh my inner critic "How many pictures of you????!!!!!! 

White Knight - "I know, wow, finally I get that I own me. 

Thanks for the reminder."  :-)

High Five

Dont Waste Energy Changing A Habit - Create New Habits Instead Part 1

"When you refrain from habitual thoughts and behavior, the uncomfortable feelings will still be there. They don't magically disappear. Over the years, I've come to call resting with the discomfort "the detox period,"

because when you don't act on your habitual patterns, it's like giving up an addiction. You're left with the feelings you were trying to escape.

The practice is to make a wholehearted relationship with that."  Pema Chodren

   This was posted on a Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching group site where, which part of the training.  Thanks very much to Nina.  As I journey through this training again, this time as an intern to be a Master Coach, trainee mentor at the same time as studying as a Post Grad in Counselling - narrative therapy, I notice more and more about blocks, obstacles, behaviours, what holds us back. 

Both in the coaching and counselling we are reminded just how much of what we believe and our behaviours can come down to habitually thinking and could be argued feeling, if we are reacting to the thoughts.  We really do have habitual behaviours.  I am gaining more clarity from the amazing teachers, lecturers regarding how we can be more comfortable with disappointment and the discomfort of that because we are use to that.  

I know for myself I have sat in the discomfort of the known and have not been so willing to sit in the discomfort of unknown because of fear, not wanting to feel and yet I am still in discomfort regardless.  Habit is so powerful, could you imagine creating new habits, small step, by small step and which could actually develop into a wonderful new habit that serves us. 

If you think about it but not for too long, we know what discomfort feels like and we will handle it, so how would it be to use that tenacity to be in discomfort for a short period of time, knowing that it can develop a new habit that eventually will allow us to enjoy aspects of ourselves that are really pretty cool.  Of course, this sounds easy and sure the strategy can be simple but it is not easy.

I would agree whole heartedly that when you stop one thing, a habit, there is a space, a gap and so creating a new habit could be supportive.  How would it be to consider the things that you do not normally have time for.  Could you learn to sit with feelings with compassion and small glimpses of what it feels like, talking, journalling, drawing, sketching about it.  Even just trying it for 30 secs at a time and then distract yourself with something else.  Please know that there is of course much more to it than this but we can start some where. 

What if we recruited both our right brain and left brain into creating new habits.  Using creativity and activity to support us with the next small beautiful step to move more forward to perhaps day dream of ways that we could play before trying to create a new habit to help us live the life we are meant to,  create habits that serve us. 

What if - I just so love that question.  What if we considered things that may bring us pleasure.  Checking in with what worked for us before?  What did you enjoy doing and just have not had time for, given yourself permission for.  When is the last time you played.  There is so much to having the motivation to changing, although to be honest I would agree with others to not even try to change a habit. 

I would support creating a new one, by starting with even a small question, like what would be one small fun step that I could take and not trying to answer it.  Just putting it out there and see what happens.  If you do get an answer, go for it.  Right now I am in the middle creating a new habit and my values and who I want to be motivates me, has taken me a while to get here I have to say.  What would motivate you to choose a new habit that serves you and how you do things differently?  After the first 3 answers, trying adding another 5 and see what happens.   

"No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it."

Albert Einstein, Swiss-German-American physicist

Transition - one life to another

"Well cannot believe it I submitted my final piece of home work for my ARTbundance Certification Training - wahoo. Did my presentation and 2 coaching sessions. Needs evaluating first. Cannot believe 20 weeks of learning a wonderful coaching approach that for me has been the missing link. I feel so blessed."

Wow, I cannot believe this.  I wrote this before the 26th June 2012, which was my last day as an Occupational Therapist with the District Health Board.  So much has happened since.   It is my 50th year and my husband's 60th year.  We have been celebrating a friend's 40th and 70th.  Honestly, we have been celebrating so much this year.  I could write so many blogs just about that. 

On the 27th at 2 am we left for the Airport.  Spent 4 amazing days in Sydney, love Darling Harbour and The Rocks and then boarded a 10 day cruise, which was so cheap - 70% off and spent most of the time at sea with 4 days on South Caledonian or Fijian Islands.  We only got of for 2 days.  Lazy I know and this was our whole purpose to experience what 10 days of 'chilling' would actually feel like.   Honestly I cannot believe how quick a day goes when you are doing nothing. 

It was incredible, I did so much journalling, reading and doing various exercises from the books I read.  There was so much transition that occurred on that trip never mind in my life.  I finally wrote all the things that I was embarrassed about, ashamed about and have never told a soul.  Nothing major in the scheme of things but enough to use as a 'beaty up stick' when needed.  I wrote about the things that traumatised me, angered me, frustrated me, saddened me (have to say I have been working on personal development for about oh lets see now 22 years - haha).

I torn up the paper I wrote them on into small pieces like confetti (bio degradable), which I then set free at the back of the ship.  Honestly it was amazing just how gracefully and beautifully it seemed to play in the wind, in the spray and on top of the waves.  What a great feeling.  So transition there. 

The ripple effects have been interesting and not as I expected.  I feel so much 'lighter' and funny that a person I met up with the other day actually used those words, when talking about my energy.  It is amazing just how hard it is to take time out but truly the space in priceless for what occurs.  And we can so create time, which I will blog about soon.

So transition in life.  At the age of 50 I feel as if I am starting out and I am.  I am now certified as an ARTbundance Coach and cannot imagine coaching any other way.  I use Results Coaching Systems and Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching and honestly with Occupational Therapy what a package.  I am amazed how it all just works together.  Ok, Liz having said that I have been working towards this since 2005 and perhaps did not give it the attention it deserved.  Great excuses - sabotage, procrastination, too busy, not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of success and finally I am here - wahoo.

Up until May this year working for the YWCA was not even in my vocabulary and now I facilitate 3 groups for girls between the ages of 11 - 13 at 2 different schools.  Me Liz, who does not have children, who has never worked with children and  now this is my second week of a 10 week programme, which is about empowerment, self esteem, confidence, positive body image, communication skills.  I am creating stuff, activities to do with the girls.  Have to say the lady before me had done this programme and taught me and it is an established programme with the Y that I am tweaking. 

On Friday I had the first lesson of the Post Grad in Counselling, predominantly in narrative therapy.  Me Liz, doing this at 50.  For those that know me this is the 3rd time I have allowed myself to be here and actually do this and the approach I so love because it is similar to coaching in terms of belief in the client, that they have the resources etc.  It is an 18 month course and I cannot believe I am actually doing it.  Have to do 200 hours counselling next year and looking at placements  now.  My dream and the reason I am doing this is because I want to work with people who have experienced disordered eating. 

I figure that with all this experience and counselling to keep clients safe I can offer one to one stuff and group stuff in a creative way.  Telling the story, metaphors, etc.  As I write my fingers move too fast with excitement.  I have also implemented a plan for where I am taking more time out.  It seems as if this looks challenging and it is but I cannot believe that I truly have made time.  I am less on face book although value this tremendously and time myself more. 

I have time out for so many different things and am just having a ball.  When the home work starts, which it already has and I get busier, perhaps it may be a different thing.  I am also going to be training as a Master Coach with KMCC next week so wow.  Phew,  need to stop now.  My bed times now are 8.30 pm to read, 9.30 pm sleep.  Not quite managing it but not far off. 

At 50 and I guess it has been a gradual transition to an amazing life in my book.  This I could never have envisaged, not ever, ever which as a coach is challenging when we set goals with clients.  It so reinforces how important it is to check out what it is that you want to feel, what will make you feel the way you want to feel and where does it happen already.  Also, trying things on for size and just giving things a go.  Sometimes I have done that with clothes, If I choose one item I think ok well what would I not wear and take that in with me too.  Great fun.  Have bought a couple of things that I would not have but don't do that much shopping - haha.  

I love my life so much and it feels as if this is just the beginning.  I love my age, my stage when I am so much more settled in my own skin and content with who I am.  It has taken some time to get here and is a working progress but I think this age group has so much to offer.  A freedom somehow, an excuse to be a little bit out there.   Who knows and I would advise though is not to wait until 50 and give things ago way before now.  It truly is worth it.  I so promise you that.  It is magic when you listen to you and allow you to be you as a whole, embracing the darker parts as well as the lighter parts. 

Definitely time to go.  Listen to your passion.  What makes you smile, laugh?  What makes time pass by so quickly that you do not even notice?  When, where with whom are you most content, at your  best in terms of being be you, feeling easy in the company you are in.  Definitely time to go - haha. 

Love this from Kate Robertson's Face book

from Gun Gazing's Photos

 

Perspective - Inner Critic, Gremlins

Yesterday I wrote on face book about being affected by inner critics, which really zapped my energy and man I was there.  I mentioned a couple of things that I did to help.

I did feel a little better, however my goodness talk about getting a 'rain check'.  I had a few lessons that just appeared!!!  Firstly I heard that someone I really care about has just found out that she has to have 15 months of chemotherapy - um.  You can guess that immediately it put things into perspective.  Then I heard about someones history and was shocked what they had experience and who they were despite, because of this. 

At this point I really was suddenly not thinking about me and how I was feeling and was so in gratitude for my health and my life, immediately and in awe of the human spirit for both of these people. 

I did plod on and do some things I needed to do. I also definitely employed - that what I did was good enough and it is.  I then met a friend to celebrate her birthday at 6 pm.  Honestly being distracted and especially with someone you care about, really, really worked, instantly.  All these messages are telling me so much.  The place we initially planned to go to was closed as was many in Whangarei on a Sunday evening - haha.  We ended up going to an Indian Restaurant called Shiraz, which was  lovely.  Really enjoyed it.

We then went to the 'Old Library' to see a play.  I was not sure what it was about.  It was called The Intricacies of Caring'.  It was excellent.  2 young men played all the characters.  Basically they were young men who spent time in the each one's bedroom, drinking, smoking and just really wasting away.  A friend of theirs commits suicide at 21 and this starts to change things for them. 

They go on a kind of road trip in NZ to a place called Jerusalem and it is about their explorations of life, each other and their family.  Honestly. I so needed reminded to listen and hear the messages.  I had a lovely evening and felt blessed to be there.

When I got home I could not believe that I had so many messages that reminded me about what really matters and whilst I do not want to discount the gremlins, inner critics as they do have an impact, I was totally surprised how quickly I could change not only what I was thinking but also how I felt when I heard about the others, which demonstrates that I have that capacity. 

I am not sure what I am trying to say here because I totally believe in compassion, experiencing all our emotions and hands up to this being a working progress, but I guess it is about really listening to what works for us and doing that.  My previous attempts was to still work through what I was doing, which initially was the structure, process and paperwork for coaching, plodding on and I kept having the thought, 'man I really seem to be in the depths today, but I am not going to let it stop me.'

Sometimes I think I can think too much and some of these thoughts could be habit.  I do believe they are around because I am stepping up and love my life so much and allow myself to express who I am in my coaching even more and in general, so this can get challenged, which means I am on track.  Having said that perspective really did make a difference and having a distraction was amazing, whether that be creativity, activity, someone else's incredible story, predicament, what ever it is, can so help also. 

Don't you just love that we all just keep learning.  I meet amazing people and I am sure we all do and honestly it really does remind me what being human really means.  We are so powerful, more than we can imagine and yet most of us still play it small.   We are incredible. 

Wellbeing & MIndfulness Green Coaching

This was taken on the last night of a 6 week coaching programme.  The first I had done for Adult Education at Community Education Whangarei, Kamo High School.  Have to say that Shona the co-ordinator is amazing and so organised.

These ladies are quite incredible.  They are just like you and me and yet how little we know of each other. 

We would spend the first part of a 2 hour session/lesson out doors walking with different focuses and environments. We started with a measure of how we were feeling before the walk and then after and you can guess, mostly it was always better. 

It was a real reminder to me about not really having to know or even understand when something feels good for you.  What is important is that you can give yourself space so that you notice you, notice what makes you smile, feel good, laugh and just um hits the spot and follow that as a guide.

I learned a lot from these ladies and was reminded that no matter what we are taught, or the tools we have unless we give ourselves permission and feel deserving to implement them then they will not work.  We only need to make it one tiny small step to show up.  It is a start.

These ladies taught me and reminded me that talking and sharing is one thing but it is in the doing and the being that is another.  I am grateful to them and we are all going to meet up in June to check in with our Wellbeing, Mindfulness and vision statements.  How cool.

Also half of us will being doing a fun/run walk, so how cool is that to be inspired to really walk the talk.  I am grateful. 

Mindfulness

Before you speak, ask yourself:  Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true,

does it improve on silence? - Shirdi Sai baba

It also makes me laugh for some reason. 



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OTcoach - Coaching Approach in OT

I am currently developing a workshop about the Coaching Approach in OT and Jen Gash in an amazing OTcoach and has a great web site, has kindly shared some of her resources.  She and I are part of International SIG Group.  Anyone is welcome. 

This narrative from one of her slides:

• Staying with the client, “whole” listening, giving time to think, asking intuitive questions
• Allow their process to unfold and their wisdom to be unlocked 
• Using tools to explore and align values, beliefs and goals

I have just read the Kawa Model and have adapted it for a Wellbeing and Mindfulness Green Coaching 6 week programme in adult education that I started on 23.02.12.  It was only when I allowed myself to adapt this model for the 'well', I guess you could say and specific to Wellbeing and Mindfulness that I am really understanding how much the coaching approach sits so well with OT.

It is a perfect match because these 3 points although of course they are part of enabling skills, as is coaching and OT.  The last point really resonates with me.  I love meaningful and purposeful activity, I get that, however what I have noticed on occasions is that sometimes this is much more than ADL's, functional stuff, roles, and often through asking coaching type questions a persons values, beliefs and goals in life have been revealed not only to the Therapist but also to the client.  Once you tap into this, the flow of life so to speak then we can really engage the client, not that you cannot engage the client anyway with our OT skills, it just that the coaching approach is such that it elicits the whole therapeutic relationship much more quickly, resulting in the client being heard and hearing themselves.

I have been surprised the amount of times I have approached a client (I work 2 days as week in neuro rehab) with so what do you enjoy doing and not even talking about the deficit, impairment yet and the client sometimes comes up with that.  I then ask such obvious questions, like so what do you need to do to be able to do that and this is when options and possibilities start to open up.  Of course as an OT I have ALL THE ANSWERS!!!  I can make great rehab plans, implement a structure and suggest what next, for sustainable on going rehab without me being around,this is not going to last very long.  People are really quite creative and ingenious too.  Almost all of the time this seems to support the client with going to places that they do not want to go to because they are being guided by their values and therefore often their strengths.

I am learning even for myself that when I connect to values more and think about my life flow, it helps me to do the things I don't really want to do.  I am really valuing so much the 'marrying of' OT and coaching skills and feel really blessed to have also discovered the Kawa Model. 

"How do you go from where you are to where you want to be?  I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life.  You have to have a dream a goal and you have to be willing to work for it."  Jim Valvano

I really believe that the dream/goals is driven by our values and once we tap into what really matters, a person can achieve anything.  

The Bodyguard Muse - Live Your Dreams - Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching

"If your heart is in your dream, no goal is too extreme." - Ned Washington.  This is interesting that this chose me twice today and so I am going to pay attention.  I have been an Occupational Therapist for a number of years now and have been so privileged to be in positions that have allowed me to expand and grow and if not then I have had great lessons and moved on.

I first studied coaching in 2005 and again 2006 with Results Coaching Systems and have to say that I struggled so many times with the structure finally I feel I have a wonderful balance of their training, which is extremely thorough and professional and has taught me the 'coaching skills', in particular the 'coaching 'conversation'.  I love some of the structure that I used to not because having tried to be more right brained and hardly left brain has often left me feeling overwhelmed and a little lost with clients at times.  I feel I now have a wonderful balance and the flexibility with the structure, which has given me the space and time to have much more balance and be creative.  It has also supported my being able to support clients in their creativity and non linear ways of being, whilst supporting that they achieve what is important to them and is sustainable.  I have also been privileged to study and become certified as a Kaizen Muse Creativity Coach and Muse Group Leader. 

All of these aspects I use every single day of my life.  I looked at my web site the other day and was blown away because I could truly say I have experienced every single thing that I offer, how lucky am I and that is why I am so passionate about wanting others to get it for themselves too.

The Bodyguard, I cannot believe my journey to right now.  I am currently doing the ARTbundance Certified Training, which is so fantastic and compliments everything I am doing.  What I am starting to hear is that I am truly allowing my BIG dream to come to fruition, after all these years and now I need the Bodyguard more than ever.  Funny how when you so can be who you want to be and truly step up, that is scares the hell out of you and yet it is what you have been working for for years. 

"When our passion and commitment to the expression of our talents comes from a source inside that's unaffected by anything external, no worldly fear or discouragement will stop us from bringing them into fruition."  The Bodyguard Muse, creator Jill Badonsky.

I have for years been putting off my dream, at times even hiding it or disguising it, wanting it so badly and believing in it and, perhaps if I learn this and perhaps if I learn that then I will be better at doing that and I have to say I am amazed at what I have learned now this package with ARTbundance I know is going to be very useful - ah what crap my first thought, with Audacity Muse was it is going to be phenomenal. 

God, did I say that, yep.  I implore anyone who has done the same as me to please, please drag that dream out, let it shine, breathe air into it, please listen, you will know if it is the right thing because no matter how long you have had it or it has been buried it will have manifested and appeared over the years in different guises but will always have the same theme. 

Please allow yourself this because unless you do, you will continue to have conflict with yourself, maybe with the world because you are in disharmony.  You are meant to live your best life, experience, joy, laughter, awe, sadness, anger, frustration, wonder, curiosity, being.  It will not make life perfect, it will not make life easy, although I promise with all my heart it will be easier, eventually, but you will feel and be alive.  You WILL notice the difference.

So please allow Bodyguard Muse to be along side you, no matter what to protect your dream, your vision, not by hiding it away.  Let you and your dream shine and protect that with everything you have.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

I Want To Be Somebody New - Dont Make Life Weight - Living Life From The Inside Out

"Once I wanted to be in the zoo.  And that was the day I first met you.  You said that the zoo was not for me.  The circus, you said, was where I should be.  From the book under the Dr Zeus label Beginner Books, written by Robert Lopshire.

I first read this children's book in 1996 and for some crazy reason bought in Scotland cost all of 2.99 Stirling pounds.  (Don't have the symbol on my key board).  It has travelled far and now lives in New Zealand.  For some reason yet again, I was thinking about the Don't Make Life Weight blog and this just was around. 

It is a lovely story about a creature called Spot, who listened to someone else telling them what to do because well they thought it was a good idea.  From then on the creature continually changes to fit in, to do the right thing, constantly changing the outside shape, continually not feeling right but trying all the same.

Finally on the eve of Spot changing their shape yet again "Oh, no you don't! You stop right there! We like and we really care.  We liked you best, a whole, whole lot, when you were just our old friend spot.  So do you trick with your one, two, three ...  But show us what we want to see!  Say! You are right!  As right can be!  And it does feel best to be just me!

I wonder how many times we try to change ourselves, particularly the outside of us to fit in, to think we have to look a certain way.  Sometimes we do it with new people and forget they were attracted to us in the first place because of who we were anyway and yet we think we need to be not who we are.  I really like this story because it is a reminder that no matter what shape you are on the outside it really is the inside that counts. 

I know I have for years tried to change the outside of me so many times and so many times have succeeded but did not feel that great about myself still, which just made me feel worse.  It has only been by learning to accept myself compassionately, which has taken years by the way, not that it needed to but it just did!  I only needed to get to feel good enough and when you get there magic, truly happens.  Thank goodness that self help has changed and is much more realistic, eg we need to feel all of our feelings emotions, connect to something we love doing just because we love doing it.  Creativity, what ever form, have fun are key to everything else.  I promise.

How would it be to consider a time, situation you may be in right now where you are not feeling good enough and have tried to change the outside to make it happen.  What if even for 30 secs you acted as if you feel good enough inside, what would you be doing differently. 

Small & Crappy - Reality Check

This is my amazing husband, John, who really at times is so wise and ALWAYS honest.  I have to say that truly we laugh like this a lot.  I have to admit that on this particular occasion it was encouraged by alcohol and a birthday celebration. 

I wanted to write a blog and this week it was about personal life coaching.  I was struggling because I have one hour and could have done this 2 days ago when I planned.  I thought about Rae Wardes' gorgeous statement that is well know in the Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching community - 'make it small & crappy' it will be good enough.  Ok I will, I think. Then what about, so I approach John.  "What would be something you would like to read that would inspire you around personal stuff?".  (He really could be a coach himself and an OT for that matter - haha), he could not really think of anything.  Ok then, "What is something that you are struggling with just now?"  He still could not think of anything.

I was beginning to feel as if he was not trying hard enough (cheeky eh! For sure!)and with that thought it hit me.  He was outside in the middle of sweeping the path.  It is a lovely sunny day, I had interrupted him to ask these questions because I could not answer them myself.  He explained that all he could think of was the garden, he had noticed plants growing that were new, wanted to transplant something to see if it would work and discovered 3 pots that he wanted to use in some way, and I wanted to take him away from this.  He looked so content and relaxed.

He was so in the present and enjoying every moment of it and thank goodness that he allowed himself to be, stay there.  What a wonderful reminder of how to just be and you know sometimes, we just need to stop figuring it all out.  I have done a lot of that again just recently and really hearing that there so needs to be a 'time of just being of taking a break, taking stock of what is already working with the power of gratitude which will create new inspiration without even trying.'  This is from Lull Muse - KMCC, what fab advice. 

Get It
I was struggling with something and trying to get someone else to help me.  Absolutely nothing wrong in that what so ever, unless you are taking them to a place where they really don't want to go or need to go.  I was thinking that I really wanted to write an inspiring, useful blog where 'small & crappy' would have been just fine and ok to do.  Had I done this then I would not have approached John, on saying that I am so pleased that I did.  Great role model.

Got It
Now I know that what was really occurring for me is the need to want to write a blog in a hurry.  What I got out of this is so much in terms of learning. However it still was about writing a blog and it being good enough.

Great - options/choices

• remember small & crappy
• good enough is good enough
• make notes along the way of ideas
• take risks with blogs

Ta Da! - Credit report - acknowledgment

• I stopped myself in my tracks when I noticed where John was
• I recognised that it is up to me to create what I want and take responsibility of that instead of trying to take someone out of their place into mine
• I wrote this blog and enjoyed its integrity
• I love small & crappy - it is so freeing
• I am letting myself of the hook for being late with it
• I actually  like writing blogs, don't know why, don't need to know
• I learned from this in a loving, compassionate way, nice lessons

How will I celebrate

• Post this blog
• Read it again - haha
• Go out and enjoy lunch with friends
• Relax and have the rest of the day off

Feeling Wrong Because It's Right - Get It, Got It, Great - GIGIG

We all make mistakes or do stuff that is wrong, incorrect, not right and will continue to do so because we are human.  Here's the thing I noticed this morning, well actually I have noticed on many occasions but I got my 'Get It' this morning.  I have overwhelming feelings that something felt wrong, like I did something wrong or just a feeling that was uncomfortable as if I should not be doing what ever it is.

Then I realised it was because I am doing much more for myself that is in my best interest for sure, one of which is launching a new programme that I have been working on for years - Don't Make Life Weight, Living Life from the inside out.  This is a really big deal for me and I have a date 23rd September 2011 to finally put it out there.  Even though this is brilliant for me, I have these feelings this morning that I am doing something wrong and in a sense I get it that perhaps to my old self I am. Aha, I now have my Get it!!

Get It

I get that I feel off balance a little because I am doing something I have dreamed of for years and it is scaring me, exciting me and putting myself out there.  My old self, old beliefs about myself, old coping mechanisms, self sabotage are screaming out at me, no you cannot do that.  You will get hurt, make a full of yourself, no one will turn up, who do you think you are that you think you can help others, the old script.  So to her, it would feel wrong. So this is the her who comes from a lower scary place, but the one that comes from a higher scary and exciting place absolutely knows that this is in her best interest.  So it kind of makes sense. Crazy eh!  But not so!!!

Got It

Ok, so now I Get It, what are my options.  I could learn to sit with my uncomfortable feelings, journal, talk about it, not do it (definitely don't think so - although maybe this has been part of why it has taken so long!!), feel the fear and excitement do it anyway.  All of these seem OK options but I am doing it - the workshop.  I need a small step, really something small.  I am feeling overwhelmed already and more so when I read.

I could just accept or try to accept that what ever I feel is led by my thoughts and habitual thoughts.  I think I just want a very small step and just acknowledge how I am feeling will do for me I think at this time.

Great ...

So what will I do.  My Get To List will be:

• Acknowledge that I have noticed this and have compassion for myself.
• Know that the more I do what matters to me and I love then I will continue to feel a mixture of uncomfortable feelings and excitement, which means I am right on track.
• Keep moving ahead with the workshop regardless of how I feel.
• Congratulate  myself on this insight - did not know what was coming until I wrote this.

My Ta Da List

• Writing this honestly as a journal.
• Still feeling uncomfortable.
• This is real, cannot wait to do the workshop.

What worked

• Writing this

What am I grateful for:

• Being able to journal.
• Stepping into who I am meant to be.
• Slowly getting that I will not always feel comfortable with the things that matter but knowing that this will always be a regular feature because I will continue doing and being who I am and this seems to be a feature of being human - Fright and flight response. 

I wonder if you are dealing something similiar.  How would deal with it?

Bliss - Overwhelm - Get it, Got it, Great - GIGIG

During my journalling this morning I felt overwhelmed and a little stressed, thinking of all the things that I had on today and consequently started to work on my automatic thoughts and recruited small steps but it was not until I saw what I was busy with that I realised I would be in my bliss for the whole day if I allowed myself to be and was reminded just how much I could  have not allowed myself to be present. 

Get It

I get that I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed because I had a busy day.  It was not until I looked at the content of my day that I realised that I would be:

• Doing a Wii work out which I love
• Coaching which I love
• Supervising which I love
• Being supervised which I love
• African drumming which I love

I am absolutely serious I love all of these activities, so even with one I would be in my bliss and because I had a full day I just saw the busyness.  My supervision and drumming are by a wild ocean, beach and 1 hours drive away, so 2 hours return but the thing is, I get pleasantly blasted, refreshed and usually sing or listen to CD's there and back.  How easy it could have been for me today to have missed this.

Got it

Right so I get it and the got it is what can I do about it.  What are my options, well I could ignore my bliss and just stay overwhelmed.  I could accept in wonder what a great day I have ahead of me and that by being present I could really enjoy and be grateful for what I have, which is of course my option.

Great

Now doing it.  So I will once I have finished this look through my list and then hop on to my Wii and get on with it.

We play Djembe drums.  The picture above is of a 10 minute gig - love saying that in a rural town, community, just loved it.  I am in purple and white at the end on the right hand side.  Have to say the purple and white is no longer.  it is purple and purple after my dear hubby put the top in with the new purple trousers.  Now I am very purple at drumming gigs.  We are of course amateurs but great to beat on a drum.  Love it. 

Seriously, how lucky am I.

My Ta Da List

• I journalled and gained some wonderful gems
• I am in my bliss, now writing this
• I get to do what I love all day

What worked?

• Being open to doing my journal and really allowing myself to see how it could have been.
• Having compassion that I was not initially grateful

What am I grateful for?

• Giving myself permission to journal
• Being able to let my thoughts flow
• My life and how much I have what I love in it
• It is worth going to the uncomfortable places

What's In A Name 2 - Fitting In. Get it, Got it, Great ... GIGIG

I was looking for puzzle pieces to depict 'fitting in' and then looked at my own logo!!

I did not expect to be here so soon but realised as I did the mind maps what I love is my passion.  I also started to realise that I was just trying to fit in with my peers, my profession, what I value, wondering how can I develop a business from my passion, so many things were affecting me and I was losing my way.  I have no doubt that the above will have some impact on what I do, however I am trying to make the pieces fit, when they dont necessarily do so at this time and may never. 

My tag line is living life from the inside out and why let life be a puzzle, together we can make the pieces fit and that has always been about identifying the right pieces in the first place.  Our pieces, what matters to us from the inside not the outside and with every essence of me I believe, truly only then can we really be living the life we are meant to be living.

I also strongly believe that we have to do and be in the doing and learning to 'be' we learn about ourselves and experience what works for us and what we no longer need.  Interesting that it is so much easier to support some body else through this.

So - Get It

I Get that what is most important at this time is I remind myself of what matters, what my values are.  What inspired  me to want to be here.

Got It

Now I have more insight I have some options; I can do another MM of who I want to be in coaching.  How I want to spend my life from here on in, nearly being a 50 year old.  Explore my values again.  Act as if the whole world was my oyster, which it incidentally is.  MM as if it was a blank sheet. 

Great ..  My Get To List

Ok, I am going to do values exercise purely because it is fun and light hearted, ok then it will bring me back to me.  I will then look at a blank sheet and act as if I could not fail. 

My Ta Da List

• I allowed myself not to be perfect and edit that last post to include a Ta Da List.
• I am here pondering.
• I am open to learning.

What worked

Trusting and giving in a little to having to have the answers now.

Celebrate

Picnic by the beach, even though it is pretty cool. 

What's In A Name - Get It, Got It, Great - GIGIG

This is driving me crazy.  I am keen to be a life coach and at the same time coach in Occupational Therapy.  I have tried to amalgamate the two names which is really not describing what I do.  I knew this would be a challenge but honestly I did not realise just how hard it would be.  What I am beginning to realise is that there is so much in a name.  Your identity, what you stand for, who you stand for, your values, etc, especially if you are trying to explain what kind of work you do, and if you want to attract the right kind of person and what I  mean by this is that when I have a name and/or describe what I do a person will understand that and expect that when they contact me.  I still do not have the answer and right now feel paralyzed so I have decided to leave it right now and perhaps this is highlighting for me, not what I really want to be called but what is it that I really want to commit to and be known for that. 

Get It

What I get right now, is that I dont get it and that is frustrating and I am surprised that I feel so stuck.

Got It

I Got that I Get that I dont know.  So where to from here?  Ok options are to explore.  I dont think exploring the name is what I need to do.  Mind map what it is that I really love about coaching.  What is it that I hope for from coaching. How do I see this integrating in Occupational Therapy as a coach supporting other Therapists, the Profession.  I know that I want to be amongst people who want change.  I am also very strongly interested in working with people with disordered eating but wonder if I have the capacity for that. 

Great ..

So now need to make a call and choose just one small step or several but I think one small step.  I choose to start with a mind map about what I love about coaching, actually and will do one about my passions.  What am I really passionate about.