Transition - one life to another

"Well cannot believe it I submitted my final piece of home work for my ARTbundance Certification Training - wahoo. Did my presentation and 2 coaching sessions. Needs evaluating first. Cannot believe 20 weeks of learning a wonderful coaching approach that for me has been the missing link. I feel so blessed."

Wow, I cannot believe this.  I wrote this before the 26th June 2012, which was my last day as an Occupational Therapist with the District Health Board.  So much has happened since.   It is my 50th year and my husband's 60th year.  We have been celebrating a friend's 40th and 70th.  Honestly, we have been celebrating so much this year.  I could write so many blogs just about that. 

On the 27th at 2 am we left for the Airport.  Spent 4 amazing days in Sydney, love Darling Harbour and The Rocks and then boarded a 10 day cruise, which was so cheap - 70% off and spent most of the time at sea with 4 days on South Caledonian or Fijian Islands.  We only got of for 2 days.  Lazy I know and this was our whole purpose to experience what 10 days of 'chilling' would actually feel like.   Honestly I cannot believe how quick a day goes when you are doing nothing. 

It was incredible, I did so much journalling, reading and doing various exercises from the books I read.  There was so much transition that occurred on that trip never mind in my life.  I finally wrote all the things that I was embarrassed about, ashamed about and have never told a soul.  Nothing major in the scheme of things but enough to use as a 'beaty up stick' when needed.  I wrote about the things that traumatised me, angered me, frustrated me, saddened me (have to say I have been working on personal development for about oh lets see now 22 years - haha).

I torn up the paper I wrote them on into small pieces like confetti (bio degradable), which I then set free at the back of the ship.  Honestly it was amazing just how gracefully and beautifully it seemed to play in the wind, in the spray and on top of the waves.  What a great feeling.  So transition there. 

The ripple effects have been interesting and not as I expected.  I feel so much 'lighter' and funny that a person I met up with the other day actually used those words, when talking about my energy.  It is amazing just how hard it is to take time out but truly the space in priceless for what occurs.  And we can so create time, which I will blog about soon.

So transition in life.  At the age of 50 I feel as if I am starting out and I am.  I am now certified as an ARTbundance Coach and cannot imagine coaching any other way.  I use Results Coaching Systems and Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching and honestly with Occupational Therapy what a package.  I am amazed how it all just works together.  Ok, Liz having said that I have been working towards this since 2005 and perhaps did not give it the attention it deserved.  Great excuses - sabotage, procrastination, too busy, not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of success and finally I am here - wahoo.

Up until May this year working for the YWCA was not even in my vocabulary and now I facilitate 3 groups for girls between the ages of 11 - 13 at 2 different schools.  Me Liz, who does not have children, who has never worked with children and  now this is my second week of a 10 week programme, which is about empowerment, self esteem, confidence, positive body image, communication skills.  I am creating stuff, activities to do with the girls.  Have to say the lady before me had done this programme and taught me and it is an established programme with the Y that I am tweaking. 

On Friday I had the first lesson of the Post Grad in Counselling, predominantly in narrative therapy.  Me Liz, doing this at 50.  For those that know me this is the 3rd time I have allowed myself to be here and actually do this and the approach I so love because it is similar to coaching in terms of belief in the client, that they have the resources etc.  It is an 18 month course and I cannot believe I am actually doing it.  Have to do 200 hours counselling next year and looking at placements  now.  My dream and the reason I am doing this is because I want to work with people who have experienced disordered eating. 

I figure that with all this experience and counselling to keep clients safe I can offer one to one stuff and group stuff in a creative way.  Telling the story, metaphors, etc.  As I write my fingers move too fast with excitement.  I have also implemented a plan for where I am taking more time out.  It seems as if this looks challenging and it is but I cannot believe that I truly have made time.  I am less on face book although value this tremendously and time myself more. 

I have time out for so many different things and am just having a ball.  When the home work starts, which it already has and I get busier, perhaps it may be a different thing.  I am also going to be training as a Master Coach with KMCC next week so wow.  Phew,  need to stop now.  My bed times now are 8.30 pm to read, 9.30 pm sleep.  Not quite managing it but not far off. 

At 50 and I guess it has been a gradual transition to an amazing life in my book.  This I could never have envisaged, not ever, ever which as a coach is challenging when we set goals with clients.  It so reinforces how important it is to check out what it is that you want to feel, what will make you feel the way you want to feel and where does it happen already.  Also, trying things on for size and just giving things a go.  Sometimes I have done that with clothes, If I choose one item I think ok well what would I not wear and take that in with me too.  Great fun.  Have bought a couple of things that I would not have but don't do that much shopping - haha.  

I love my life so much and it feels as if this is just the beginning.  I love my age, my stage when I am so much more settled in my own skin and content with who I am.  It has taken some time to get here and is a working progress but I think this age group has so much to offer.  A freedom somehow, an excuse to be a little bit out there.   Who knows and I would advise though is not to wait until 50 and give things ago way before now.  It truly is worth it.  I so promise you that.  It is magic when you listen to you and allow you to be you as a whole, embracing the darker parts as well as the lighter parts. 

Definitely time to go.  Listen to your passion.  What makes you smile, laugh?  What makes time pass by so quickly that you do not even notice?  When, where with whom are you most content, at your  best in terms of being be you, feeling easy in the company you are in.  Definitely time to go - haha. 

Love this from Kate Robertson's Face book

from Gun Gazing's Photos

 

Space Cadet - eek

What a few days.  I have literally been a space cadet for 5 1/2 days, out of nowhere - I am not kidding.  Tuesday evening I had just met with a lovely collaborator around a potential after school programme for girls aged 13 - 15.  I felt tired but just fine and thought I would use the warmth and aroma of fresh cotton linen from a candle I had lit in my gorgeous coaching room and did some meditation, which took about 30 minutes.  By the time I left the room and walked up approximately 15 steps, I was so cold from the inside out, my bones felt cold.  I was shivering, my whole body ached, I had a sore head.  I promise it was as if a switched had been flicked and I reacted. 

My husband and I were really quite surprised.  I then experienced cold clammy sweats and hot sweats, this continued throughout the night.  The following day was the same and the day after, which was Friday.  Surely today would be a better day, only slightly this time the paracetamol stopped working and now I was left with a sore head that continued until Sunday, today, I then moved to a stronger analgesic and now for the first time since Tuesday evening am free of pain and just feel spaced out, literally, light headed, not quite grounded but much better.

What the hell is going on?  I hardly ever, ever get a cold or bug and if I do I usually recovery pretty quickly.  My husband picked up the bug and thank goodness, after 2 days felt much better.  I kept thinking that this is not real, what is different this time around? 
 

I looked at my wellbeing, well I should be practicing what I am preaching right!!  I had just completed a Wellbeing Muse to motivate me to practice the things that enable me to live a balanced life with joy, fun, creativity and be resilient to all life events. When I say resilient, I do mean to experience them, to have the all emotions not just the yummy, cute ones.  Most of all this prepares me and teaches me to be totally present with anyone I am with.  Great motivation!!  It matters - you can get the picture. 

So why then am I so 'floored'? I get up do a wee prayer, the gratitude thing, meditate - that counts for something.  I was eating fairly well, drinking water, well maybe not so much water in the last 2 - 3 weeks, I usually exercise every single day even if it is 20 mins, well maybe not so much in the last 2 - 3 weeks - WHAT!!!  (Saying that out loud!)   I was not drinking each night at least 2 glasses of wine sometimes more in the last 1 - 2 weeks, maybe I was - oops.

Now I am not suggesting that anyone who is unwell bought it on themselves, well in some cases maybe, eg eating, drinking excessively, not exercising, burnt out, the body will stop us one way or another.  What I was noticing was a difference in me, when according to Liz, life is pretty good and my wellbeing has been the best it has ever been, so what is going on?  I am learning to connect with my body, listen to her, become accustomed to her and feel that we have been doing really very well.  Having said that I think my antennae was tuned in to space cadet city.

As I back tracked, I had been counselling but not as much.  I do have a new gratitude book and that has been great.  Then I started to realise I am leaving Occupational Therapy in June 26th.  I have been an OT since 1995 and loved my role, with only a hiccup in 2004.  It has been my biggest identity.  I am a Life Coach also and this is not so accepted, definitely not as a Profession as is OT.  Ok so that is a challenge.  I will be working with 11 - 12 year olds in schools around a programme called Y's Girls, which is about a fun active and creative programme designed specially  by the YWCA.  It aims to support positive peer relationships, positive body image and health lifestyles.  This was never on my agenda and how lucky I am to have this opportunity.  Up until 3 months ago I was really quite scared of this age group, not now.

In July I will start a post grad counselling course - narrative therapy and my whole focus is work with with people who have disordered eating and combine this with coaching and creative therapies.  It took me years and years to give myself permission.  Not only that the reason I made myself give up the safety of the OT harbour (ships are meant to sail) is that I truly wanted to challenge myself with my coaching, I wanted to get out there, have fun, share so many ideas with others and finally allow myself to also reach as many people as I could with Nourish to Flourish - Body Positive Coaching, all about living life from the inside out.

Phew as I sit here at 4.30 pm Sunday afternoon, still experiencing shivers, cold sweats at the moment. I think WHAT!  I am not done.  Now this is from someone who recently did a 6 week Wellbeing and Mindfulness Green Coaching programme at an Adult Education Establishment - oh dear, just switched to hot flushes!!  Haha, is this not hilarious?  Where is all this balance stuff, which does not mean equal measures of everything, it means considering a few aspects of ourselves. 

I also had a list of projects I had wanted to do for my coaching, there is a lot of work to be done.  I have been training as an ARTbundance creativity coach and working on certification which has been fantastic, honestly just love it and so much to look forward to.  There is not one thing that I do at the moment that I don't love - ahhhhh.  There's the thing a few years ago I did not even know what my passion was.  I love and am passionate about everything I do.  I have found it harder to say no and manage, without realising.  It has become easier to be say no around things that are not for my highest good or purpose.  I never considered for a moment that this would have been a challenge.  Don't you just love light bulb moments?

Oopsy, me a life coach, me an Occupational Therapist who supervisors others and works in rehab, me who teaches wellbeing, mindfulness, balance -  no cannot be I would be a phony if that were me, surely, surely you have to not be human and do everything by the book, you have to get it right so you can prove to others that they can live this amazing life that you most of the time do, so they can know that someones else life was so messed up and look at what they have achieved, so have hope, trust, have hope that you can create the life you want right!  The thing is you so can and I did, right up until this point, well a few hours ago when it really hit me.

I have been so unrealistic about what I can do.  I love everything I do so much that I never thought for a moment I would need to say no to stuff, to trust that enough is enough and that is ok, to trust that there will always be opportunity, to trust, give permission, have compassion to be a regular normal human being.  Nooo, I am a role model, aren't I?  I am a phony, aren't I?  I am so blessed to be a human being and contrary to being a phony for the first time truly with a 100% of me, right now at 50 and a little bit I am getting I am the real deal, me the real deal, with all the flaws?  Now I question that 'flaws'.

I was doing the best I knew with what I had at the time.  Makes is a bit hard to swallow especially being in this field for nearly 20 years and really only just getting it now.  My intellect got it by my wee inner being not quite, actually she probably did but not my wee inner child.  Was I connected to who I am? You bet, at times.  Did did I listen? You bet at times.  Did I get confused about the messages?  You bet at times.  Now I get wow, I have been 'floored' and I am not joking for 5 1/2 days.  I have cancelled events and people and feel bad about that but it was necessary.   If you had said to me Liz I want you to take 5 1/2 days off, there is no way on this planet I thought it would have been possible, unless I was laid up.  Hello planet - universe.  Why do we want until our body's say, enough already and then stops us in our tracks?

Now I only have a bug thank goodness.  I have been so grateful for my health and cannot imagine for one moment what it must be like for people who suffer so much ill health.  I feel that I have been so blessed with a tiny reality check of being the 'real deal', a human being and honestly what a frigging relief.  Jeez, I had no idea of what I was doing to myself, maybe I did actually and did not listen.  Now this will help me, my coaching, all I do and my aim in life is to support others to feel good enough, gain a sense of balance from the inside out and value themselves as human beings and ride the waves of life knowing this. 

Sometimes the ride will be exhilarating, fun, sometimes terrifying and other times it will hardly be noticeable but we can experience all of the emotions of what is to come, we can learn to trust our body compass and we can so jump off at a lagoon somewhere, a resort or have a picnic on the bank.   I have been camped up for a few days and the river of life still awaits me. 

I am back on track to enjoy and be more in the moment and I of course will hit fog, mist, rapids, stillness and loose my way but nothing like this and if I do, maybe I can compassionately accept that I have been given an amazing opportunity to hide out a little in the cave, recuperate and be in the space to let things happen.  What I know is that when you come out things change.  I have only been out for 5 1/2 days and what a difference.  I also know I can make choices on my journey and not need to have to be made to take time out.  Worth a thought, don't you think?

So, can I ask if you have been saying to yourself, if I was ill or had a few days of sick ......, be very careful because you may get this in a way you were not expecting.  If you feel this is a way out for you right now, then please, please listen to yourself and trust yourself and do what ever it takes to look after yourself.  Once you give yourself permission you can do anything, anything.  You will be and are the 'real deal' too and be proud. 

Dear Time Travelers
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