I Want To Be Somebody New - Dont Make Life Weight - Living Life From The Inside Out

"Once I wanted to be in the zoo.  And that was the day I first met you.  You said that the zoo was not for me.  The circus, you said, was where I should be.  From the book under the Dr Zeus label Beginner Books, written by Robert Lopshire.

I first read this children's book in 1996 and for some crazy reason bought in Scotland cost all of 2.99 Stirling pounds.  (Don't have the symbol on my key board).  It has travelled far and now lives in New Zealand.  For some reason yet again, I was thinking about the Don't Make Life Weight blog and this just was around. 

It is a lovely story about a creature called Spot, who listened to someone else telling them what to do because well they thought it was a good idea.  From then on the creature continually changes to fit in, to do the right thing, constantly changing the outside shape, continually not feeling right but trying all the same.

Finally on the eve of Spot changing their shape yet again "Oh, no you don't! You stop right there! We like and we really care.  We liked you best, a whole, whole lot, when you were just our old friend spot.  So do you trick with your one, two, three ...  But show us what we want to see!  Say! You are right!  As right can be!  And it does feel best to be just me!

I wonder how many times we try to change ourselves, particularly the outside of us to fit in, to think we have to look a certain way.  Sometimes we do it with new people and forget they were attracted to us in the first place because of who we were anyway and yet we think we need to be not who we are.  I really like this story because it is a reminder that no matter what shape you are on the outside it really is the inside that counts. 

I know I have for years tried to change the outside of me so many times and so many times have succeeded but did not feel that great about myself still, which just made me feel worse.  It has only been by learning to accept myself compassionately, which has taken years by the way, not that it needed to but it just did!  I only needed to get to feel good enough and when you get there magic, truly happens.  Thank goodness that self help has changed and is much more realistic, eg we need to feel all of our feelings emotions, connect to something we love doing just because we love doing it.  Creativity, what ever form, have fun are key to everything else.  I promise.

How would it be to consider a time, situation you may be in right now where you are not feeling good enough and have tried to change the outside to make it happen.  What if even for 30 secs you acted as if you feel good enough inside, what would you be doing differently. 

Body Talk - Body Trust

I have been looking for a silent retreat for sometime The other day I learned about a silent retreat that occurs for 10 days straight and involved meditations, no journalling, no books, constantly being with our own being.  Wow, that is something that appealed to me, um but 10 days.

I had these heavy feelings in my body.  I actually verbalised that it made me feel scared to be totally with myself for 10 whole days and no contact with anyone, husband, friends etc. 

For the rest of the day and the following morning, I had this constant heavy feeling in my body and head.  I kept thinking negative thoughts about myself, "I am not good at being with myself, if I am walking my talk then I need to do this."  My head was telling me I was a wimp, a phony.  I kept telling myself that I could face my fears, I knew that it would be good for me and yet some how my body continued to not feel good at all.

I spoke with my husband and finally a friend who asked, "What is your body feeling?"  Heavy I say.   "Where are you feeling this?"  In my tummy, chest and throat.  "Do you have any feelings of excitement?"  No, just heavy, dread.  She simply mirrored back, your body is letting you know loud and clear that this is not what she wants.  As soon as she said this I had an instant feeling of relief.  I could not believe that I was judging and comparing myself and trying to be led by my head instead of trusting my body, intuition. 

Get It - what is really happening, what is the issue
Finally after chatting, journalling and actually part of this was doing nothing/space. I realised that I am listening to my body.  I heard the messages straight away and even voiced them, however I did not trust my body/intuition.  My head got in the way. 

Got It - ok I now I have got it, what are my options

• Consider alternatives
• Have compassion for needs in making choices
• Buddhist Centre
• Google silent retreats for 1 - 3 days
• Create one at home - 1 - 3 hours
• I can start small - 1 hour, maybe 30 minutes

Great - choose an option and do it

• Have emailed 2 retreats
• Have phoned Buddhist centre
• Have emailed a friend to see if she would be interested in trying a silent retreat in my gorgeous room from 9 am - 12 noon
• I will do 3 times a week 15 - 30 minutes meditation, silence

Um - what might get in the way, overcoming road blocks

• have compassion and do it anyway
• know that I am learning, a beginner so 1 - 5 minutes is good enough
• for me I will put in a time in my calendar
• actually I have been learning an on line/conferencing call meditation course with the lovely Beverly Beiling and can use her strategies anytime
• remind myself why I value you this and what I hope for
• remind myself how I feel when I am in the silence and after

Get To List - I get to;

• after this do a 15 minute meditation that I learned with Beverly
• diary another 2 times, Wednesday and Friday
• I may treat myself in between - feel like it will be a play date with myself
• choose different locations - outdoors and indoors

Ta Da List - what I can acknowledge myself for

• writing this
• seeking support
• being honest with myself - eventually
• having compassion for myself

What am I grateful for

• my goodness so much, for today, right now, writing this and getting clarity
• making time to give myself 15 minutes
• having lovely home and garden to go explore
• having a husband and friend who are really honest with me
• hope that this helps someone else

Question
Are you going through something right now and confused between what your head is saying and your body/intuition is saying.  How would it be to ask yourself a couple of questions;

1. If I did not care what others thought of me what would I do?
2. If I did trust myself, what would I do?
3. Do I feel any excitement, butterflies or am I just feeling all heavy?

Then please reward yourself.  Maybe Get it, Got it, Great may help.   Good luck. 

Don't Make Life Weight - Launch

Finally I am launching this coaching programme on Thursday 23rd September 2011 by doing an introductory workshop. It is has been developing over the last 5 – 6 years. I guess though really it has been developing even longer than that. You could say I have been researching it for many years in a sense.

There will be 4 follow up coaching sessions either for small groups or on a one to one basis. I truly feel that this coaching programme can make a difference. There is no quick fix for sure but truly, no one needs to be dieting or trying to change the outside of themselves. Often we have been doing this for years and is it working?

We all have what it takes inside of us to learn to accept ourselves for who we are and know that we are good enough. I am convinced the more we connect with our bodies, listen to ourselves, not the head bit but truly ourselves, do things that matter to us because of our values, because it brings pleasure, laughter, use ourselves as a guide not do what we think people want us to do, the happier we will be and the ripple affects are amazing. I have witnessed it so many times since in my role as an Occupational Therapist and a Life Coach.

This workshop will explore influences on body image, body trust, health at any size, focus on a goal, an aspect of life other than ‘ideal’ weight or changing the outside of you. I have taken this journey in so many ways and know that we are all different and that is what makes us unique.

I am so passionate to share what I have learned and know that only you can create what the life that you deserve but there is a much kinder way of doing it, so simple and challenging but all possible and real. This approach is about you being independent and not having to rely on anybody or product. We can live a more happy, which means experiencing our full range of emotions, fulfilling life according to who we are. I am so excited about this and hope you join me on this exciting journey.

Not Perfect - Don't Make Life Weight

Wow, how grateful am I to not be perfect! This would not be written if I was still caught up in that. Have to say though that I am definitely I recovering perfectionist. I do now recognise that it can be extremely valuable to have high standards and also just has damaging or for me paralysing.

I am so loving being imperfect from our training, Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching we have the perfect Muses to call upon - Bea Silly and Spills - being child like and allowing mistakes, lowering standards, to hey get this - good enough. Good enough for whom? I really think that is a good question. Good enough for whom?

So I challenge you in the mean time to consider how many times have you done something for someone else because you wanted their approval instead of valuing who you are. I wonder how much these aspirations affect how much you want to change the outside.

Trust me, please hook up with Bea Silly and Spills for even just 5 mins and if you allow yourself permission you will connect will you even for a few moments and have bliss. The more you do this the more you will want it again. Just one small, a wee step.

A word from Bea Silly KMCC (R) who encourages that you connect with your fun, inner child without judgement! How can you make whatever you are doing fun today?

Spills KMCC (R) "The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making oen." (ha, seriously that is a genuine spelling mistake - going to just leave it) - Elbert Hubbard, publisher, author.

How would it be to lower a standard today or purposely do something badly - go on I dare you and if not, oh well then - ok. Learning to connect to your bliss helps us learn to connect to our bodies and our real needs!!

Mindfulness - The Breath

I love this picture for so many reasons and today it is because of the focus and presence of the child trying to capture the enchanting bubble, nothing there nothing but absolute focus and delight in what the child is doing, being totally mindful and present.

No concerns about whether anyone is looking will think bad things, no question of am I doing this perfectly, is this ok! 



I am writing up my coaching programme about connecting with the body and am realising more and more that connecting occurs in so many ways. I have some fun ways, interesting ways. I attended a workshop this weekend, which was fantastic - Mindfulness - Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), which really is all about being mindful, reminding ourselves of our values, being guided by them, learning to acknowledge that our thoughts are thoughts and we can be with our feelings, we can be whole.
The beginning place is simply breathing and noticing the breathe in your body and if that is hard to do then just count the breathe, on the end of a breathe is one, even repeating that 5 - 10 times for a minute or more. Small steps get you there. I promise! When asked to do this, a few years ago, I wondered and asked why does this matter. A few years down the line, I wish I had come out of my head and carried on with the breathing. It is immensely powerful in connecting, pausing and being. We then come from a place of calmness and not anxiousness.

There are so many other benefits and strategies but for now, breathing, taking time when you eat. Noticing the textures, smells, tastes, sounds, smells. Just simply noticing, in an incredible start and then notice how you feel after.

Alvert Muse - Think Differently - Break the rules

For some reason this is one of my favourite Muses. I really did not know that Albert Einstein who this is based on was so much fun and accepted that making mistakes was part of life and actually innovative. Don't Make Life Weight, living life from the inside out is not about not losing weight. It is about learning to listen to your body to nourish him/her and to learn what they really love to do and trust him/her in all you do and eventually with all decision making for the life you want to lead. To have fun, connect, enjoy, build resilience and you will handle anything.


For so long when we have been told what to eat, how to exercise, how to be we continue to look to the outside of ourselves to gain approval to see if we are doing ok and doing the right thing. We lose the connection with ourselves with what matters to us. It is hard to know where to start and what to do.


I did a workshop on Friday, it was a small intimate group and I am grateful for that. What I noticed was that I had a lot of material that has been gathered over the years and could be overwhelming. All we need to do is just start somewhere. Just take one notion that is different or that breaks the rules and just try it on for size.

So if you have continually tried to change the outside of you to make yourself feel better, what is one small step could you choose to change the inside, just one small step.

It may be checking in with your breathing for 3 breathes, doing something that gives you pleasure then noticing where in the body do you feel the pleasure, eating something yummy learning that there is no good or bad (actually that is really quite a big step), relaxing, reading, playing, even for just 5 minutes to start with, just showing up with that notion and noticing how it makes you feel and where in the body do you feel it. If you do not know then try to accept the notion that your body will have experienced pleasure also.

Being creative, what ever that looks like is the best way to connect to yourself without even trying and thinking about it. I promise you.

How would it be to revisit your childhood imagination. What stimulated your imagination when you were little? What books did you read? What did you pretend to be? What next?

This could be a small 5 minute step. I just love colouring in, doodling too and colouring in the shapes.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein, Swiss-German-American physicist.

Getting What You Want - Get It, Got It, Great ... - GIGIG

Wow, getting what you have longed for for so long should be an amazing feeling right!  So why am I feeling the way I am just now.  I am delighted that I am going to launch my workshop, coaching programme.  Cannot believe and just feel so lucky, so then how come I feel well like this.  Not sure what like this actually means or is but it feels unexpected, a little low, flat, the energy and excitement has certainly been there and will be there but I am trying to be with my feelings which I can eat or drink away but don't want to do that. 

It seems strange now that it has taken me so long to allow myself to do this.  I am a coach and could have done this a long time ago, cant you just hear those little critics but I am here now and I am doing it.  Sometimes I get sad thinking about what we do to ourselves over our lives, just because we don't feel too great about who we are inside and then we continually seek approval from others and you know the rest you will never please all of the people all of the time. 

Amazing that we don't give ourselves permission to listen to ourselves.  Have to say I have been developing these listening skills for some time now and they are much better then they were but sometimes I choose not to listen because then I may need to face up to the fact that I am an ok dude for just being who I am.  Not for any great deeds or anything just because it is supposed to be this way.  So what am I getting???

Get It
I guess I am getting that even though your dreams are being realised there is a balance of emotions, feelings, fears, excitement.  Perhaps with the gains there are some losses but how wonderful to be moving forward and be true to the self despite the critics in the head. 

Got It
I think my Got It is just honoring that I have a mixture of feelings from realising my dreams of Don't Make Dreams Weight, living life from the inside out and its ok to have them.  My choices are to listen to myself, have compassion, know that even though I may have some 'flatness' it does not mean that I am not totally grateful and so excited.  I could eat my through, drink my way through or I could just breathe, journal, cozy up in my wonderful warm bed and sleep on it. 

Great ...
That is what I am going to do, my Get To list has one item on it, just cozy up in my lovely warm bed and sleep and be grateful, ok 2 things. How lucky am I?

My Ta Da List

• wahoo writing this and not knowing what was to come
• honoring how I am feeling and attempting to suspend judgement
• not trying to think of anything else to add -  haha

What worked

• being honest and not trying to analyse it too much
• making time to be here

I am so grateful for the people I come across, friends, family, clients, life.  Thank you, thank you. 

Feeling Wrong Because It's Right - Get It, Got It, Great - GIGIG

We all make mistakes or do stuff that is wrong, incorrect, not right and will continue to do so because we are human.  Here's the thing I noticed this morning, well actually I have noticed on many occasions but I got my 'Get It' this morning.  I have overwhelming feelings that something felt wrong, like I did something wrong or just a feeling that was uncomfortable as if I should not be doing what ever it is.

Then I realised it was because I am doing much more for myself that is in my best interest for sure, one of which is launching a new programme that I have been working on for years - Don't Make Life Weight, Living Life from the inside out.  This is a really big deal for me and I have a date 23rd September 2011 to finally put it out there.  Even though this is brilliant for me, I have these feelings this morning that I am doing something wrong and in a sense I get it that perhaps to my old self I am. Aha, I now have my Get it!!

Get It

I get that I feel off balance a little because I am doing something I have dreamed of for years and it is scaring me, exciting me and putting myself out there.  My old self, old beliefs about myself, old coping mechanisms, self sabotage are screaming out at me, no you cannot do that.  You will get hurt, make a full of yourself, no one will turn up, who do you think you are that you think you can help others, the old script.  So to her, it would feel wrong. So this is the her who comes from a lower scary place, but the one that comes from a higher scary and exciting place absolutely knows that this is in her best interest.  So it kind of makes sense. Crazy eh!  But not so!!!

Got It

Ok, so now I Get It, what are my options.  I could learn to sit with my uncomfortable feelings, journal, talk about it, not do it (definitely don't think so - although maybe this has been part of why it has taken so long!!), feel the fear and excitement do it anyway.  All of these seem OK options but I am doing it - the workshop.  I need a small step, really something small.  I am feeling overwhelmed already and more so when I read.

I could just accept or try to accept that what ever I feel is led by my thoughts and habitual thoughts.  I think I just want a very small step and just acknowledge how I am feeling will do for me I think at this time.

Great ...

So what will I do.  My Get To List will be:

• Acknowledge that I have noticed this and have compassion for myself.
• Know that the more I do what matters to me and I love then I will continue to feel a mixture of uncomfortable feelings and excitement, which means I am right on track.
• Keep moving ahead with the workshop regardless of how I feel.
• Congratulate  myself on this insight - did not know what was coming until I wrote this.

My Ta Da List

• Writing this honestly as a journal.
• Still feeling uncomfortable.
• This is real, cannot wait to do the workshop.

What worked

• Writing this

What am I grateful for:

• Being able to journal.
• Stepping into who I am meant to be.
• Slowly getting that I will not always feel comfortable with the things that matter but knowing that this will always be a regular feature because I will continue doing and being who I am and this seems to be a feature of being human - Fright and flight response. 

I wonder if you are dealing something similiar.  How would deal with it?

Why Make Dreams Weight - Still waiting to see if it is ok to use the name!!

I had this notion that I would be organised with this blog.  I named it and then committed to it weekly, although it is not a week yet and am realising just how much I have restricted myself.  I really want to be a good blogger but more than that I want to learn about me and how I have been using the tools that I have learned over the years and also to follow the journey.

At the moment I have been part of Reciprocoaching, which I think is a brilliant idea and I am grateful to be a part of it finally. Anyway, I am been coached and at the same time you coach someone else.  No charge apart from a modest annual feel.  You also learn about research, participate in supervision and mentoring which I have yet to do. 

I today as one of my actions actually booked a room to run my first introductory workshop.  Yeah.  I cannot believe after about oh 5 - 6 years I am finally allowing myself to launch this programme, which originally was called Get it, Got it, Great.  As a coach, I do believe in walking your talk and have found it fascinating just how much easier it is to believe in some else then yourself but of course in reality you can only really go as far as you have been and I want to do this for me but also because I want to broaden my experience and understanding to absolutely enjoy my life and share with others. 

I have coached 2 ladies in the last couple of days and honestly, even in supervision I have constantly been blown away with who people are and what they do to themselves and for themselves.  They are truly my teachers, inspiration and enthuse me and empower and energise me.  You never know who is walking by you.  How amazing and lucky are we to walk along so many people who are just regular folk!!!

So I am going to allow myself to be a beginner blogger and look forward to learning from you guys.  I will do a weekly GIGIG and blog when I feel the need.  Any suggestions please let me know.