I Want To Be Somebody New - Dont Make Life Weight - Living Life From The Inside Out

"Once I wanted to be in the zoo.  And that was the day I first met you.  You said that the zoo was not for me.  The circus, you said, was where I should be.  From the book under the Dr Zeus label Beginner Books, written by Robert Lopshire.

I first read this children's book in 1996 and for some crazy reason bought in Scotland cost all of 2.99 Stirling pounds.  (Don't have the symbol on my key board).  It has travelled far and now lives in New Zealand.  For some reason yet again, I was thinking about the Don't Make Life Weight blog and this just was around. 

It is a lovely story about a creature called Spot, who listened to someone else telling them what to do because well they thought it was a good idea.  From then on the creature continually changes to fit in, to do the right thing, constantly changing the outside shape, continually not feeling right but trying all the same.

Finally on the eve of Spot changing their shape yet again "Oh, no you don't! You stop right there! We like and we really care.  We liked you best, a whole, whole lot, when you were just our old friend spot.  So do you trick with your one, two, three ...  But show us what we want to see!  Say! You are right!  As right can be!  And it does feel best to be just me!

I wonder how many times we try to change ourselves, particularly the outside of us to fit in, to think we have to look a certain way.  Sometimes we do it with new people and forget they were attracted to us in the first place because of who we were anyway and yet we think we need to be not who we are.  I really like this story because it is a reminder that no matter what shape you are on the outside it really is the inside that counts. 

I know I have for years tried to change the outside of me so many times and so many times have succeeded but did not feel that great about myself still, which just made me feel worse.  It has only been by learning to accept myself compassionately, which has taken years by the way, not that it needed to but it just did!  I only needed to get to feel good enough and when you get there magic, truly happens.  Thank goodness that self help has changed and is much more realistic, eg we need to feel all of our feelings emotions, connect to something we love doing just because we love doing it.  Creativity, what ever form, have fun are key to everything else.  I promise.

How would it be to consider a time, situation you may be in right now where you are not feeling good enough and have tried to change the outside to make it happen.  What if even for 30 secs you acted as if you feel good enough inside, what would you be doing differently. 

Wellbeing & Mindfulness

I have been attempting to be mindful and develop  my wellbeing for quite some years.  Always a working progress, please remember that. 

The other day, well I was not really owning up to how I was really feeling which was like this little dude.  I was trying to be all mellow, chilled, I have to walk my talk, right!.  Well nah, not happening.  I was ready to take anyone out, well slightly exaggerating for effect but seriously that hammer was ready.  I was surprised why I was feeling that way, using my poor head, which definitely was not mindful, present.  I was in the past, the future, reminding myself that I should be grateful, blah, blah, blah.  Oh I did try to get present and do some breathing, focus and nah!

And then it hit me, not the hammer!  The meaning of mindfulness, being present.  It means with ME, no matter what I am experiencing.  No where does it say it has to be for only pretty emotions.  Ah!  Not that I wanted to go here I certainly did not and honestly the more we do this the better.  So I decided to just sit in my agitation, whatever it was and be with it.  And I did.  I used some Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Techniques.  Just got this a previous post;

I allowed my thoughts to be and tried to let them pass on a cloud which worked for me this time, last time it was on leaves in a river.  I really did accept that I will continue to have thoughts and tried to let them go peacefully, and not judge if I don't manage that.  Did not manage totally but certainly made a big difference.

I did sit with my feelings and breathe (know this happens quite naturally - sorry had to put this in again, it makes me smile - I am easily pleased)

I tried to breathe and notice the breath - 3 - 5 times, trying to enjoy it and I did

I did connect to the feeling, and breathed into it, made room for it

I did not try to change how I feel, although it felt uncomfortable, but thats all

I did not try to make it ok, well, just a little bit but got back to not making it ok 

I did accept that it was there and it started to feel better already, just stopping the struggle, I guess as ACT would suggest, switching off the struggle switch.

Then I asked myself these questions;

• what shape is it?
• is it moving?
• is it solid, soft, heavy, light?
• what colour is it?
• what temperature is it?
• where in the body is it?
• how is it feeling?
• as suggested noticing the breathing and just sat with it

Honestly it really did help.  Later I went for a walk, which was brilliant.  Now I have to say that the walk alone may have worked, being outdoors, by the ocean, in the garden is so powerful and just being with nature. 

I guess overall it was a great reminder for mindfulness is that it is about being present with what ever appears and honestly the thoughts and what we attach to them are far worse then the actual situation. 

How would it be to give the techniques above a try, even if it is going for a walk or being in nature.   Enjoy

Mindfulness - The Breath

I love this picture for so many reasons and today it is because of the focus and presence of the child trying to capture the enchanting bubble, nothing there nothing but absolute focus and delight in what the child is doing, being totally mindful and present.

No concerns about whether anyone is looking will think bad things, no question of am I doing this perfectly, is this ok! 



I am writing up my coaching programme about connecting with the body and am realising more and more that connecting occurs in so many ways. I have some fun ways, interesting ways. I attended a workshop this weekend, which was fantastic - Mindfulness - Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), which really is all about being mindful, reminding ourselves of our values, being guided by them, learning to acknowledge that our thoughts are thoughts and we can be with our feelings, we can be whole.
The beginning place is simply breathing and noticing the breathe in your body and if that is hard to do then just count the breathe, on the end of a breathe is one, even repeating that 5 - 10 times for a minute or more. Small steps get you there. I promise! When asked to do this, a few years ago, I wondered and asked why does this matter. A few years down the line, I wish I had come out of my head and carried on with the breathing. It is immensely powerful in connecting, pausing and being. We then come from a place of calmness and not anxiousness.

There are so many other benefits and strategies but for now, breathing, taking time when you eat. Noticing the textures, smells, tastes, sounds, smells. Just simply noticing, in an incredible start and then notice how you feel after.

Mindfulness

This seems to be a buzz word or concept at the moment, which has been around for thousands of years. It is around now for me because I am learning more and more. Although this is definitely about breathing and meditating it is much more. Following the last 2 weekends where I attended ACT - Acceptance Commitment Therapy where a huge component is mindfulness and the first Positive Psychology Conference, where they talked about meaningful and purposeful lives, activities based on values, as if it is a new thing and there is a whole Profession - Occupational Therapy that has existed since the early 1900's. We do a 3 year degree for it. Anyway, they talked a lot about mindfulness and to be honest I am grateful that science is finally catching up which means that approaches will change and hopefully there will be a much more contented world.

I am using these techniques so much in my work and just amalgamating everything. I am using it on myself and noticing how much more I am enjoying my food. I am being really present to tastes, smells, textures and did not realise just much I enjoyed how food looks. By being more present I definitely am having a different experience that is much more satisfying. The other day at the ACT workshop I was eating an apple and so was my neighbour and we could hear so much of the apple. I know it sounds crazy but it was fun and was definitely satisfying.

Mindfulness can be used in so many ways and at present I am busy and know that the next 2 days I am going to be in overwhelm but I have decided that I can accept that and also accept that it is what it is. I know that I can handle it because I always do. I am committed to be willing to use mindfulness and my action for the therapy bit will be when I get the thoughts, I will just let them run by like leaves on a stream, be mindful, present of my breathing, even just noticing 3 breaths and focus on what I am doing. What a great tool.

So, what is one way that you could be more mindful of something, even if it is your breath 3 - 5 or the texture of the next thing you eat and just notice. Enjoy :-)

GIGIG - Get it, Got it, Great ... MIndfulness - being Present

I love getting presents and have only just admitted this in the last 2 years at nearly being 50.  How crazy but it is what it is and wonderful!!  I have presents every single day of my life, in noticing, being present and gratitude.  it is not always nice and sweet but I am still grateful for what I have and who I am, compassionately a working progress.

Get It - What is going on
I am so passionate about well being and mindfulness and it is the topic of the day for sure.  What I am realising is that I want to be more specific because I want to facilitate a number of workshops for different aspects so reflecting on when, where and how does this impact on me and what does it mean. 

I realised that mindfulness for me initially had a connotation of being spiritual and meditating and it certainly is.  I am for sure going to develop meditation skills because they rock and make life much better, enjoyable and sustainable.  I am going to explore the different ways being present will affect me.  I attended a brilliant 2 day work shop - ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which I will not try to explain (cannot do it justice in a bee blog but is now part of my practice) but an aspect of it was about being present and accepting of feelings.   So this is a challenge for me.  So I guess I want to go there, well actually I don't but my body does. 

Got It - ok I have it now what are my options

• try a technique - there were various
• journal it

Really I know which one I want to do

Great - made a choice, action

Ok I really liked this one.  Have to put it in a list or mind map (favourite) to keep it simple for me.

• Allow my thoughts to be and let them pass on leaves in a river - that will work for me today.  Accept that I will continue to have thoughts so just let them go peacefully, and not judge if I don't manage that.
• Sit with my feeling and breathe (know this happens quite naturally)
• Try to breathe and notice the breath - 3 - 5 times, trying to enjoy it
• Try to connect to the feeling, and breathe into it, make room for it
• Don't try to change how I feel
• Don't try to make it ok
• Accept it is there
• what shape is it?
• is it moving?
• is it solid, soft, heavy, light?
• what colour is it?
• what temperature is it?
• where in the body is it?
• how is it feeling?
• Notice the breathing and just sit with it

Yeah right sounds easy, well actually the steps are simple and hard to do.  It is certainly worth trying. I have tried it before and this is not about making myself feel better, it is about allowing it.  It was just there, as a consequence I did feel better but it is not really about that.  It is about learning to tolerate the feeling, switch off the struggle switch then choose a behaviour, action that is kinder to yourself.

So I am going to do this now - truly.  Are you sitting with something that feels uncomfortable, even a little bit.  If so, how would it be to give it a go.  I would be interested to hear how you go on. I would imagine this stuff takes practice, endless patience and compassion. 

 

Excitement Overwhelm - Get it, Got it, Great ... GIGIG

Get it - what is the real issue
Have just attended an amazing conference, workshop and watched a You Tube video which all speak to me really loudly and resonates so much in personal  life and professional life.  I feel I have hit on something and I have of course not.  I have a lot of energy and making myself feel overwhelm and pressure to share this information with others and consolidate it and use it.  Phew. 

Fact is I am using a lot of it anyway in Occupational Therapy, Supervision and Coaching, which is a great confirmation.  So what is my issue.  What is that I feel pressured to do?

Got it - now I know, what are my choices
I have it.  I am so excited and have all these feelings in my tummy, I want them to stop and I am concerned that I will forget stuff.
Options

• be mindful of my feelings, use ACT to sit with them
• treadmill for 30 mins
• eat my through
• drink wine
• get lost in You Tube
• watch a TED video that is always worthwhile
• play games on the computer
• remunerate about it and do nothing
• bore my husband with it
• write a list/plan of where and how I want to share this stuff
• actually - I have written up notes
• wrote an article this morning
• informed a couple of people already

Need to give myself some compassion and enjoy 3 lovely slow breaths in and out - there done, feel better already.

Great ... I get to

• watch a lovely DVD 2.30 mins of lovely scenery and music
• make room for my feelings and breathe in to them
• make a plan on the new on line Ta Da lists
• then definitely have a glass of wine

Um - what might stop me

• distraction
• eating instead of being - haha
• not wanting to sit with good but uncomfortable feelings
• procrastinating

Great ... what can I do to over come the above

• just do my plan without thinking and judgement

Ta Da

• I am so pleased that I did this here
• Feel a bit vulnerable sharing my experience but hope it helps someone else
• Glad to see how I can sabotage myself sometimes  and ruin something that is really fantastic and exciting - wahoo
• Love the breathing - kind of handy

Celebrate

• Glass of wine
• Enjoying beautiful video and music
• Just being
• Will give myself a gold star - literally in my gratitude note book

What worked - Gratitude

• Writing this, not judging
• Putting things in black and white cannot believe what I have achieved already
• So grateful to have experienced the above and share it

So my challenge or enquiry to you.  Can you think of a time that some really cool happened and you were overwhelmed with how you were going to deal with it.  Try GIGIG and see if it could work for you.