We all make mistakes or do stuff that is wrong, incorrect, not right and will continue to do so because we are human. Here's the thing I noticed this morning, well actually I have noticed on many occasions but I got my 'Get It' this morning. I have overwhelming feelings that something felt wrong, like I did something wrong or just a feeling that was uncomfortable as if I should not be doing what ever it is.
Then I realised it was because I am doing much more for myself that is in my best interest for sure, one of which is launching a new programme that I have been working on for years - Don't Make Life Weight, Living Life from the inside out. This is a really big deal for me and I have a date 23rd September 2011 to finally put it out there. Even though this is brilliant for me, I have these feelings this morning that I am doing something wrong and in a sense I get it that perhaps to my old self I am. Aha, I now have my Get it!!
Get It
I get that I feel off balance a little because I am doing something I have dreamed of for years and it is scaring me, exciting me and putting myself out there. My old self, old beliefs about myself, old coping mechanisms, self sabotage are screaming out at me, no you cannot do that. You will get hurt, make a full of yourself, no one will turn up, who do you think you are that you think you can help others, the old script. So to her, it would feel wrong. So this is the her who comes from a lower scary place, but the one that comes from a higher scary and exciting place absolutely knows that this is in her best interest. So it kind of makes sense. Crazy eh! But not so!!!
Got It
Ok, so now I Get It, what are my options. I could learn to sit with my uncomfortable feelings, journal, talk about it, not do it (definitely don't think so - although maybe this has been part of why it has taken so long!!), feel the fear and excitement do it anyway. All of these seem OK options but I am doing it - the workshop. I need a small step, really something small. I am feeling overwhelmed already and more so when I read.
I could just accept or try to accept that what ever I feel is led by my thoughts and habitual thoughts. I think I just want a very small step and just acknowledge how I am feeling will do for me I think at this time.
Great ...
So what will I do. My Get To List will be:
- Acknowledge that I have noticed this and have compassion for myself.
- Know that the more I do what matters to me and I love then I will continue to feel a mixture of uncomfortable feelings and excitement, which means I am right on track.
- Keep moving ahead with the workshop regardless of how I feel.
- Congratulate myself on this insight - did not know what was coming until I wrote this.
My Ta Da List
- Writing this honestly as a journal.
- Still feeling uncomfortable.
- This is real, cannot wait to do the workshop.
What worked
- Writing this
What am I grateful for:
- Being able to journal.
- Stepping into who I am meant to be.
- Slowly getting that I will not always feel comfortable with the things that matter but knowing that this will always be a regular feature because I will continue doing and being who I am and this seems to be a feature of being human - Fright and flight response.
I wonder if you are dealing something similiar. How would deal with it?
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