My own White Knight in Shining Armour - Part 2 of 3

Villain - Inner Critic

I would like to introduce you to my villain in my latest story.  This is when funnily enough I had a mixture of emotions and feelings.  I am the villain in the latest story, great that means I can do something it about it right!

Bummer, you mean only I can do something about it.  I cannot blame anyone and here is where the fun continued  my, 'the' (am working on 'the' to externalize it, to make it easier to work with - part 3 of this blog) INNER CRITIC had an absolute ball in really messing with - 'double bind' either way I looked.  I was good because I now had clearer insight and it was bad because I was choosing this then!  You get the picture. 

This is what really hit me, right between the eyes when I wrote the second story.  I was no longer verbalising the 'villian' as an external person.  There is no doubt that at some point in my life as a child the person could be seen as a villain and really did the best they could with what they knew and who they were at the time. 

As an adult it is up to me to look after me and sure I needed to learn how and needed to learn what it looked like and to say I made mistakes is a understatement but I got there and therefore realised that my villain is actually the inner critic who has many costumes, disguises, voices etc, not all bad sounding and looking and is extremely adept at being a chameleon and changing when I get to see it clearly for what it is.  

I would like to introduce you to my White Knight in Shining Armour.  Me!  I do not mean this to sound precocious etc or from ego as I really do have many White Knight's in shining armour, who have come and gone through out my life and some continue with me and I have been so blessed and grateful.

What I mean is that once I gained awareness, had insights. I could honor that I had way more control in my life.  I realised and as with any story there are constant conflicts, battles, which eventually reduce in number and there are no longer battles, perhaps conflicts that are shorter and can be resolved in a much more compassionate way.  I do have to say that I truly believe that life is a journey with twists and turns, ups and downs and will continue to be but the difference is the angst is not as powerful for as long and paralyzing. 

Takes continual wellbeing, having fun, enjoying life, feeling feelings, discernment around what and who works, nurtures, nourishes, strengthens, brings you joy, love and fun.  This is no fairy tale.  I promise you it works.  The thing is, for the 'baby boomers' like me there is absolutely no quick fix.  Small continuous steps, with the challenges, overcoming obstacles, allowing permission to have fun in the process is what it takes and endless compassionate patience and compassion for yourself and others.  

This was a revelation to me and a testament that I had indeed grown from a depth that matters and is a permanent healthy change.  Just like when you plant a seed, no matter how much you want to see what the flowers look like you have to wait.  It needs the weather, time to be nourished, weeded, groomed before it can blossom and then it out grows itself, lets go of bits it no longer requires, experiences the seasons as it must and then blossoms once more, looking different and so it is.  Um, I use to think that was so 'twee' (sorry Louise Hay, she is a very wise lady!) and now I feel it kind of ends something at the same time as stating a new beginning. 

One of my white knights in shining armour.  

I write these blogs when I get to them and am constantly amazed just how much they bring me to a place of clarity, acceptance and gratitude.  

They are definitely a living breathing in the moment journal.  

Can I ask you who is a person who wants the best for you?  If you have such a person, can you imagine what would be one thing that they would say to you right now to help you believe in yourself for just 15 seconds?

If this is hard for you, what would be one thing you would say to someone you care about to help them start to believe in themselves for 15 seconds? 

Write that down if you wish and then say that to yourself.

You so have what it takes to succeed in your life in a way that is real to you, your version not anyone else's story or fairy tale.

Oooh my inner critic "How many pictures of you????!!!!!! 

White Knight - "I know, wow, finally I get that I own me. 

Thanks for the reminder."  :-)

High Five

My own White Knight in Shining Armour - Part 1 of 3

About 3 maybe 4 years ago I completed this really cool little workbook from Janet Whitehead, Musings and Mud. It was called "The Demise of Noshud Hafta". It prompted you to complete a “story of a hero in pursuit of a dream, a villain who interferes, and the inevitable confrontation.” I loved the prompts and enjoyed doing it and found it revealing and it certainly helped me. I had forgotten about this until I wrote my journal a few days ago, this time prompts were from a different source – a Visual Journalling book – Going Deep than Words, Barbara Ganim & Susan Fox.


I am fortunate to be a third way through a Post Grad Diploma in Counselling, Narrative Therapy, which is all about ‘your’ story and where we get the ideas of the story we live from. What impact this has on us, belief’s etc. It also externalizes whatever the problem/issue is, believing in the person, the problem/issue is the problem/issue, not the person. Anyway, this is of course informs all I do and raises awareness.

What I realised as I wrote this other story was that in my previous story the villain was a person and I really did have a little of that magical thinking. Not exactly the Knight in Shining armour coming to rescue me, eg something out there would be the answer, well kind of. When I wrote the story I really was in the fairyland story, which was great. I LOVE metaphor, stories, they enable so much, not only insights but also strategies etc and they are really quite fun and allow the imagination to run wild, if we allow it.

What I realise in my current story is that in fact the villain if you like, even the language ‘the villain’, not ‘my’ villain was clearly identified as an inner critic and not so much a big bad villain just belief’s, perceptions etc that really are not serving me. I was so surprised to see that I was now able to let go of the who, which enabled me to deal with externalizing, whether that be a who, an inner critic, a belief that no longer serves me, does not matter because when you can name it, see it more clearly then you can see what you have control over, what you do not and certainly learn the wisdom to know the difference.

What I realise over the last few years since my first story, is that I have been able to grasp more of a balance of the story, as it truly exists and to understand, having more empathy, compassion and also forgiveness. I have also realised that only I could do whatever needed to be done. I am my own hero in my story, I am the White Knight in Shining armour, having said that, there is no way I would be writing this now had it not been for all the love and support from others and actually using everything I advocate for, everything I use in my coach practice, I have experienced.

This will be the first of three blogs, somehow it feels that it needs to be that. I want to write the second about my villain now, naming it, externalizing it, so then identifying some strategies to work with it, alongside it, whilst leading my life the way I see it. In the third, I would like to amalgamate some of the training of narrative therapy, storytelling in a creativity, coaching way – um I feel like I will create an ebook with this.

I would like to finish with saying that no matter what your story is, it needs to be seen, heard, most importantly by you. It really does not matter what metaphors you use, how you see it. No judgment, just playing, imagination, no rules, break the rules, go on an adventure. It helps to externalize it then you have something to work with, so once upon a time …..