My own White Knight in Shining Armour - Part 2 of 3

Villain - Inner Critic

I would like to introduce you to my villain in my latest story.  This is when funnily enough I had a mixture of emotions and feelings.  I am the villain in the latest story, great that means I can do something it about it right!

Bummer, you mean only I can do something about it.  I cannot blame anyone and here is where the fun continued  my, 'the' (am working on 'the' to externalize it, to make it easier to work with - part 3 of this blog) INNER CRITIC had an absolute ball in really messing with - 'double bind' either way I looked.  I was good because I now had clearer insight and it was bad because I was choosing this then!  You get the picture. 

This is what really hit me, right between the eyes when I wrote the second story.  I was no longer verbalising the 'villian' as an external person.  There is no doubt that at some point in my life as a child the person could be seen as a villain and really did the best they could with what they knew and who they were at the time. 

As an adult it is up to me to look after me and sure I needed to learn how and needed to learn what it looked like and to say I made mistakes is a understatement but I got there and therefore realised that my villain is actually the inner critic who has many costumes, disguises, voices etc, not all bad sounding and looking and is extremely adept at being a chameleon and changing when I get to see it clearly for what it is.  

I would like to introduce you to my White Knight in Shining Armour.  Me!  I do not mean this to sound precocious etc or from ego as I really do have many White Knight's in shining armour, who have come and gone through out my life and some continue with me and I have been so blessed and grateful.

What I mean is that once I gained awareness, had insights. I could honor that I had way more control in my life.  I realised and as with any story there are constant conflicts, battles, which eventually reduce in number and there are no longer battles, perhaps conflicts that are shorter and can be resolved in a much more compassionate way.  I do have to say that I truly believe that life is a journey with twists and turns, ups and downs and will continue to be but the difference is the angst is not as powerful for as long and paralyzing. 

Takes continual wellbeing, having fun, enjoying life, feeling feelings, discernment around what and who works, nurtures, nourishes, strengthens, brings you joy, love and fun.  This is no fairy tale.  I promise you it works.  The thing is, for the 'baby boomers' like me there is absolutely no quick fix.  Small continuous steps, with the challenges, overcoming obstacles, allowing permission to have fun in the process is what it takes and endless compassionate patience and compassion for yourself and others.  

This was a revelation to me and a testament that I had indeed grown from a depth that matters and is a permanent healthy change.  Just like when you plant a seed, no matter how much you want to see what the flowers look like you have to wait.  It needs the weather, time to be nourished, weeded, groomed before it can blossom and then it out grows itself, lets go of bits it no longer requires, experiences the seasons as it must and then blossoms once more, looking different and so it is.  Um, I use to think that was so 'twee' (sorry Louise Hay, she is a very wise lady!) and now I feel it kind of ends something at the same time as stating a new beginning. 

One of my white knights in shining armour.  

I write these blogs when I get to them and am constantly amazed just how much they bring me to a place of clarity, acceptance and gratitude.  

They are definitely a living breathing in the moment journal.  

Can I ask you who is a person who wants the best for you?  If you have such a person, can you imagine what would be one thing that they would say to you right now to help you believe in yourself for just 15 seconds?

If this is hard for you, what would be one thing you would say to someone you care about to help them start to believe in themselves for 15 seconds? 

Write that down if you wish and then say that to yourself.

You so have what it takes to succeed in your life in a way that is real to you, your version not anyone else's story or fairy tale.

Oooh my inner critic "How many pictures of you????!!!!!! 

White Knight - "I know, wow, finally I get that I own me. 

Thanks for the reminder."  :-)

High Five