Taos not Chaos - An experiment!

I feel 'as if' I am being inspired by Jill Badonsky's Audacity Muse and a previous conversation with Marney Makridakis who believes in my potential and ability to create eBooks, products.

This is an email I have just posted on the Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaching Group email.  "Well I am embarking on an experiment!! For real!!! I emailed Jill (Badonsky) and started to say that I would love to go to the (her) Retreat in Taos, as I was writing I allowed my thoughts to continue and came up with an idea, which was not thought out. I asked if she would hold me accountable. Now what I meant by that was actually not to get Jill involved or anyone just to be a person that I spoke out loud to.

I thought about this accountability a little more and emailed Jill Bryan. I do have to say that I was inspired by their newsletters, which of course is who they are! This had me thinking even more. I had mentioned to the first Jill, I could create an eproduct, especially to raise money for Taos, I think in July. She mentioned it on the call last night and I immediately felt – ooohh yummy, I would love that!!

Here I stand before you without thinking this through and thought well why not put it out there. I do not know what I am going to create yet but it is called Taos not Chaos!!!!! Don’t know where it came, me thinks the Muses with Audacity are conspiring with this mortal in ways she has not known before. So this is an accountability in a lovely way. I will be putting into my own calendar on a weekly basis, a lovely compassionate question that will check me out and see what happens. This feels so crazy to me - eeeekkkk and wahoo! Have not discussed this in person with anyone yet. How cool is this experiment. How can you have a title of something before the product? Love it. There now really said it out loud. Thank you guys, Liz xxx"

So, it will be interesting to see how this progresses.  If you  have any images, suggestions of what Taos not Chaos speaks to you of, I would be interested.  I must admit as I write I feel that it has to do with dealing with the term 'overwhelm'.  Having just completed nearly 18 months of full on study, which was mostly in overwhelm, or so I thought!!!  I have come to know this term differently and actually do not think it exists as much as I/ we think.  Maybe I could do a small eBook on that.  Bearing in mind I have only ever done one tiny one and it is a start.  Isn't life interesting?

Regards from a thoughtful Liz

My Own White Knight in Shining Armour. Part 3 of 3

This will be that last of this kind of blog, lengthy.  :-) 

I want to share some prompts so you can explore your own story.  Need to say that there are a lot of prompts and it will be quite a journey that may occur in several trips.

Thank you to Gayle Bodiene - FB for this image. 

Your White Knight in Shining Armour is you as a whole, including your inner child.  In fact she/he is your strongest asset that you will ever have. 

Narrative Therapy is about telling a story, reflecting on how you see it, your version, no should's, have to's, just as it is for you. 

It considers where some of the beliefs may have come from, school, parents, TV, media etc and then supports a person in 're-authoring' their life in a way that works for them.  Part of the journey involves externalizing not only what appears obvious, eg if anxiety is a challenge then separating that out from ourselves, so you may be Fred (my favourite name) say who happens to experience anxiety, you are not anxiety.  It also externalizes what really is happening for a person and this of course takes time to really get down to what impacts on a person. 

Caveat here - I am so not telling you what Narrative Therapy is, I am only a third of the way through my training.  What I am doing here is picking out the bits that best help you discover, trust, identify your White Knight in Shining Armour. 

OK, I will take the inner critic as a subject, you can use anything.  This inner journey can be emotional and tiring, so please look after yourself with nurturing and compassion.  What you are doing here is getting a real snap shot of your experience, story the inner critic or whatever topic you have chosen and externalizing it.  It is not you, you are you, who has many aspects just a like a crystal. 

If the inner critic (topic) is a challenge for you, it is useful to be really specific about how and in what way.  Write a story and be as explicit as possible in what it may say to you.  How does it say it?  When does it say it? 

How do you respond?  Do you believe it?  What do you do?  How do you feel?  What impact is this having on your life?  Does it affect work, play, relationships, your dreams, who you are?

How do you feel about these developments?  Is this ok for you?  Does it have a negative impact or a positive one, both or neither?  Are these experiences ok with you?

Why do you feel the way that you do?  Why is/isn't this ok with you?  Can you explore a story in your history that could throw some light on why you are perhaps unhappy about this situation?

OK, you may need a break.  You so do not need to do this all in one sitting. 

Writing prompt
I looked out the window and saw (topic) inner critic it was .....
I immediately noticed .....
Inner critic (topic) then .....
What I realised was that inner critic (topic) was .....

Just notice what you notice.

Can you think of a time when you challenged the inner critic?  A time when the inner critic did not want you to do something and you did it anyway, successfully? 

What is this alternative story?  Be really specific, full of details.  When did this occur?  What actually happened?  What did you do?  How did you feel?  Did someone witness this?  What did this mean to you?

How did this align with your values, with who you want to be, with your beliefs about life?  What realisations did you experience?

This would have been a time where you would have allowed the essence of who you are to emerge.  The center of a 'self', expressing purpose, values, beliefs, aspirations, hopes, commitments.  Willfully engaging and embracing life.  Adapted from Micheal White's Maps of Narrative Practice - 2007.

Where in your past have you stood up for yourself against the inner critic.  Think back and again be really specific.  What you are identifying is that you so have what it takes to act in ways that serve you, you have done so many times before. You have challenged the inner critic (topics) before.  We just forget what we do and how successful we were.  We forget how good that felt and and we can access this knowing when we need to. 

What is extremely useful here is to identify a person, whether living or not who has witnessed you standing up to the inner critic.  It may have been even as a child.  Someone who could be a testament for you.  Ask them a question, great if you actually can but if is it not possible then imagine how may they respond if they were asked to share that story with you, me with someone else.  What would they say about you?  How do you think they would feel about you?  How are you feeling?  What would you want to say to them?   What could they say that would support you now with what you are dealing with?  What would they want you to know?  What would you want them to know?

Phew, love and compassion, this is quite a journey.   

This distance you have travelled just in these journal questions is huge.  I want to acknowledge you for that.  So again Michael White (2007) mentions that traversing the gap between the known and familiar to what is possible now is quite a profound journey, a sense of what he calls 'personal agency', a sense of being able to regulate your own life, to affect by your own intentions, which is shaped by your own knowledge, experience of life and skills of living.

You are your own brilliant White Knight in Shining Armour.  Your crystal sparkles wonderfully and brightly and holds many facets, which you can use in your life.

What would be one small beautiful step that you could take now to continue living your life as you see it?   And now I ask, what would be one way that you could acknowledge this journey and celebrate you.   Please do this.  You SO deserve it.

Writing prompt
I looked out the window and saw me, the White Knight in Shining Armour, she/her was .....
I immediately noticed .....
Me, I, the White Knight in Shining Armour then .....
What I realised was that me, I, the White Knight in Shining Armour was .....

White, M (2007).  Maps of Narrative Practice. W W Norton & Company, Inc. New York, England: London

My own White Knight in Shining Armour - Part 2 of 3

Villain - Inner Critic

I would like to introduce you to my villain in my latest story.  This is when funnily enough I had a mixture of emotions and feelings.  I am the villain in the latest story, great that means I can do something it about it right!

Bummer, you mean only I can do something about it.  I cannot blame anyone and here is where the fun continued  my, 'the' (am working on 'the' to externalize it, to make it easier to work with - part 3 of this blog) INNER CRITIC had an absolute ball in really messing with - 'double bind' either way I looked.  I was good because I now had clearer insight and it was bad because I was choosing this then!  You get the picture. 

This is what really hit me, right between the eyes when I wrote the second story.  I was no longer verbalising the 'villian' as an external person.  There is no doubt that at some point in my life as a child the person could be seen as a villain and really did the best they could with what they knew and who they were at the time. 

As an adult it is up to me to look after me and sure I needed to learn how and needed to learn what it looked like and to say I made mistakes is a understatement but I got there and therefore realised that my villain is actually the inner critic who has many costumes, disguises, voices etc, not all bad sounding and looking and is extremely adept at being a chameleon and changing when I get to see it clearly for what it is.  

I would like to introduce you to my White Knight in Shining Armour.  Me!  I do not mean this to sound precocious etc or from ego as I really do have many White Knight's in shining armour, who have come and gone through out my life and some continue with me and I have been so blessed and grateful.

What I mean is that once I gained awareness, had insights. I could honor that I had way more control in my life.  I realised and as with any story there are constant conflicts, battles, which eventually reduce in number and there are no longer battles, perhaps conflicts that are shorter and can be resolved in a much more compassionate way.  I do have to say that I truly believe that life is a journey with twists and turns, ups and downs and will continue to be but the difference is the angst is not as powerful for as long and paralyzing. 

Takes continual wellbeing, having fun, enjoying life, feeling feelings, discernment around what and who works, nurtures, nourishes, strengthens, brings you joy, love and fun.  This is no fairy tale.  I promise you it works.  The thing is, for the 'baby boomers' like me there is absolutely no quick fix.  Small continuous steps, with the challenges, overcoming obstacles, allowing permission to have fun in the process is what it takes and endless compassionate patience and compassion for yourself and others.  

This was a revelation to me and a testament that I had indeed grown from a depth that matters and is a permanent healthy change.  Just like when you plant a seed, no matter how much you want to see what the flowers look like you have to wait.  It needs the weather, time to be nourished, weeded, groomed before it can blossom and then it out grows itself, lets go of bits it no longer requires, experiences the seasons as it must and then blossoms once more, looking different and so it is.  Um, I use to think that was so 'twee' (sorry Louise Hay, she is a very wise lady!) and now I feel it kind of ends something at the same time as stating a new beginning. 

One of my white knights in shining armour.  

I write these blogs when I get to them and am constantly amazed just how much they bring me to a place of clarity, acceptance and gratitude.  

They are definitely a living breathing in the moment journal.  

Can I ask you who is a person who wants the best for you?  If you have such a person, can you imagine what would be one thing that they would say to you right now to help you believe in yourself for just 15 seconds?

If this is hard for you, what would be one thing you would say to someone you care about to help them start to believe in themselves for 15 seconds? 

Write that down if you wish and then say that to yourself.

You so have what it takes to succeed in your life in a way that is real to you, your version not anyone else's story or fairy tale.

Oooh my inner critic "How many pictures of you????!!!!!! 

White Knight - "I know, wow, finally I get that I own me. 

Thanks for the reminder."  :-)

High Five

Reflections 2012 - no New Year's Resolutions - just wonderful intentions to continue to be fulfilled

That time of year already, reflections of 2012.  I asked myself the following questions in my journal this morning and wondered if they would be useful to you.

1. What are you most proud of?  I have so many things and I am grateful for that.  One of them is that I have allowed myself to take time out and have fun.  Do things 'small and crappy' (thank you Rae Warde - Kaizen Muse Creativity Coach extraordinaire), which has allowed me to achieve way more than I could ever have imagined.   I certainly have felt the fear and done it anyway in so many ways. 

2. What has been  most meaningful to you?  I guess doing the ARTbundance Coach training this year and finally everything I have ever done in my coach training, experiences, life etc have all come together in a way that I can truly express and use it creatively.  I feel as if I have truly arrived, especially with now doing the post grad diploma in counselling - narrative therapy.  I feel I will have so much to offer others and keep them safe.  I want to work with others who hurt and undermine themselves with food as a way of surviving. 

What has been really meaningful has been the love, support from the amazing people who are part of Artella, ARTbundance, MMM - Mapping and Mentoring with Marney, Kaizen Muse Creativity Coaches, people who have believed in me when I have not believed in myself at times.  They truly have inspired me and literally carried me through some small steps.  The power of like minded people is tremendous as are people who think differently because they open up a whole plethora of questions, considerations etc which can be just as valuable.  I am so blessed with the people around me. 

I asked many questions and I like this little formula here.  (If anyone would like further prompts for reflections, please do not hesitate to let me know).

Traffic Light Formula - I cannot remember where I saw it first, do not think I came up with it myself and would like to thank that person or people.

For 2013

Red - what would be 1 - 3 things that you could stop doing, that no longer serves you.  Can be a tiny, small thing. 

Yellow - what are 1 - 3 things that would be worth you continuing with?  It could be something really minor but actually works for you or it may be something that you started in 2012 and have decided that you like it so much you are going to continue with.

Green - what are 1 - 3 things that you would like to start doing that would bring you pleasure, be all about you?  Could be starting with 2 - 5 minutes of what you love to do and if you do not know, finding it out.  If you have fun and play in your life I promise you, with all my heart that if you start to do this you will be amazed at the ripple effects. 

You may decide to make a time just for you.  Have a lunch break at least 3 times a week.  Play with the kids more.  Have someone play with the kids so you can play.  Plant something you love.  Start a new class. Stop doing so many classes.  Do something you love to do and have not done for a while.

Now as a coach, I feel like I am supposed to say that you could sign up with me etc but honestly, you can start so small and I promise you it will impact on everything.  If you follow your bliss, your energy, your passion and start challenging the 'shoulds' you will notice the difference.  Compassion and patience are key.  Try it you have nothing to lose.

So my answers:

Red - stop believing the inner critic.  No that is unrealistic, I can raise my awareness to the messages and at the same time think of a compassionate comeback, anchor KMCC (TM), like Phinspire (my new business  name - launch February), what kind of name is that, it's stupid, no one is going to know what that means - comeback AND anchor, um, I guess not all will but I just love it and it feels so right so there we have it!  And so it is, as Louise Hay would say.  I honestly have been working with that particular message for a few days. 

Yellow - I am definitely going to keep on trusting my intuition and strengthening it through creativity and mindful, balance - knowing my choices, creating the belief I need/want to follow through on my decisions that work for me.

Green - be bolder in my practice, develop workshops and coaching using creativity, utilising the dolphin energy, diving deep to truths and bursting through life's waves - my tag line and I believe in it 100%.   Haha, is that bold or what? 

So here's to you for 2013.  I would encourage you to play with how it would feel if you chose intentions for 2013 just for you, acting as if you did not care what others thought.  I know it sounds radical but as long as you are not hurting anyone you will be surprised just how much this will support you creating the life you deserve and makes you way more fun to be with others too.  It only needs to be a small, small step consistently practiced.  You end up being of 'service' if you like in an incredible, healthy, wellbeing kind of way.  You have nothing to lose by giving it a go and just playing, see what happens.  Have fun.

Wishing you a New Year where you get to be you.  Happy New Year!

Don't Waste Energy Changing A Habit - Create New Habit Instead - Part 2

My  habit that I have changed after many years is no longer a habit.  It has been 57 days.  I realise that going through this journey has been enlightening, particularly because I was aware of the consequences and paying attention to feel what if feels like to understand what a client may experience.

Simply trying to replace the habit with new stuff did not work for me.   It definitely helped and I am making a pair of trousers for the first time ever, ever and decluttering, truly in 15 min chunks, the time often extends to more and I am feeling pretty good about that.   

I have needed to create some lifestyle changes to develop a new way of living so that I was not drawn so easily in choosing something that no longer served me.    What I also noticed was that my senses are much more heightened and my feelings and emotions are more evident, sometimes a little raw.  Sooooo easy to not want to feel them.  I am journalling, which I was doing, back at yoga.  I was doing 10 mins meditation 3 times a week.  Now tried 20 mins.  It is amazing when I add my values just how I can find the time, versus hours watching TV, on face book (now have a timer 15 mins) and surf the net. 

I had not expected to write quite like this in part 2 but having continued on this journey it reminds how I used this habit initially perhaps and it was a crutch for a while and I have so not needed it for many years and well it was just a habit and an easy one, fun too at times.

I would have to say that one of the major aspect that has assisted me is having compassion for myself and knowing that I am trying to do my best and reminding  myself why this means so much to me and I think this has been the secret.

I did a drawing and used this throughout as a motivator and it worked. 

I asked myself if I did not do this for myself how would I feel about it.  I was so surprised that this appeared and found it pretty upsetting, which I am grateful for.  I could not believe I was choosing a habit, a quick fix that would break my heart and I would regret not truly giving it ago and finding out what I am capable of with out it.

It still grabs me the impact of what I was doing to myself.  I so deserved to feel better about myself. 

This was the first drawing I did.  The theme was wellbeing, you can see it just on the bottom left hand corner.  My question was how would I feel if I did not have this habit and was  more in wellbeing.  You can imagine how that felt and the realisation of this is what it would mean to me and then I did the Sea of Sorrow one, which is underneath.  I made it into a card that sits in my office as a concstant reminder.   

When I see the contrast, it seems crazy not to choose the better option but we are human beings and sometimes we do not always appreciate how we really feel or the impact of what we are doing to ourselves, because on the whole life can feel pretty good, maybe not.  It can always feel better, for me it is about going within, living life from the inside out.

The images are really about my values.  I really looked at what mattered to me, who do I want to be.  Am I really living in integrity for what it means to me,  not anyone else's value.  This was key to get me through.  I have to say I found the first week a challenge but had the energy of something new, the second week was 'hellish' for sure, the third week was a challenge, the fourth easier.  No complacency though.

I used all the tricks of my trade, coaching, creativity in every sense.  Announced what I was doing to a couple of friends.  One who actually decided that she wanted to change a habit and I asked if I could support her and wow.  The drawing was done about 3 weeks before this and I had wished/thought how much I would love it if someone was on a similar journy.  Truly then 3 weeks later a friend did not know I was going through this said what she did, the rest is history and she is doing really well also.  

As a result of this I am feeling amazing, feel SO proud of myself, have lots of little rituals that I do that bring me so much joy and pleasure.  I feel healthier, have much more clarity, not only that I am now open to much more in my life and coaching practice.  I guess the decluttering may be part of that.  Actually as a result of writing this blog.  I am going to create a 4 week coaching package to support others with creating the life they want and starting with challenging one habit to replace with so much more, has to be through small fun steps.  Not sure what I will call it but I am going to do this.  Wahoo.  What a gift and so many reasons why it is worth it.

You need to know it is not easy, but I promise you within 4 weeks you will have explored creatively what matters, have someone right there with you the whole time, learn more about you, your values and strengths because you will have so many strengths that you are perhaps not aware of, not only that how in wellbeing are you going to feel? 

So if anyone whats to Create New Habits, just let me know.