Taos - Twists and Turns

Twists and turns, I am choosing this term rather than ups and downs right now.  Why?  Um somehow it is helping me reframe a disappointment.  I have been planning to go to Taos in July 2014.  I have received the final confirmation that I will continue being employed by the school I was a student counsellor for 2 days a week next year will not be able to attend Taos due to it being in Term time and school holidays follow after.    

I have not been restricted in this way for many, many years so interesting, reactions. I want to respect what I agreed to by the school, particularly as a newbie and to support the commitment to the students!! I am gutted and I will act as if I am going in terms of being determined to create something

A lovely lady responded with an email and left me with some reflections, for which I am grateful for.  “I am not a big traveler either and so finding out the route was huge. I guess what I have learned is that by doing that I meant business – haha and I would have been travelling on my own, which I then became excited about. I don’t know about you but when I reminded myself what the trip was about and that I wanted to enjoy it on the way, it really helped." I am now really quite curious at what I could achieve. I do have to say that my need to want to be on such a retreat is still there and I may create a mini one for me, haha. Life is funny with twists and turns.

Then a dear friend emailed me and my reflections expanded, thank you lovely DB.  This was part of my response, "this is proving to be interesting being in a school system with the responsibilities and accountability of what I knowingly signed up for but did not realise that already it means this. In the bigger picture for me right now I think about the Philippines and think wow, this is only a holiday, a retreat. My life is pretty well balanced it was not an escape for much needed rest. It was a holiday.

I am so curious at the restrictions but it is also making me think of the times that I have committed myself to the coaching or creating an on line business and I wonder how many times I have waivered off that commitment, not treated it with the respect that I am this new position. I love spontaneity and am a little confused truth be told but I do wonder if I have spent the last few months being so committed to study because I needed to, then this role, then what could I achieve with the commitment to myself in the 3 days and the coaching in the other 2 days, so 4 days work, hardly feels like work. I wonder, maybe as a result of this, this will be my opportunity, my learning, my bigger picture."

So, already I am travelling on another journey, if this is not spontaneity I dont know what is - haha.  I have also discovered some useful insights because of others support, comments, questions.  I am open to learning and seeing things a little larger and feel ok sitting in the not knowing. The whole journey is the process and I am blessed with the journey of 'being' and for the first time in my life more accepting and content.

I am disappointed for sure.  The rants are over, re restrictions but I wonder about reframing that too, boundaries, support with responsibility and accountability of something I am passionate about and patience.  I aim to be in Taos next year and will speak to the Principal in January 2015.  Seriously it will be in my calendar to review, who knows what will happen in one year.

What if all these different ribbons, twists and turns that can look like chaos, like the picture above are really they are unfolding, revealing themselves as something else!