Taos not Chaos - Update 1

Update, well I have been making some enquiries and have had some conversations.  The first and most important conversation was with my travelling partner, my lovely husband.

I was being creative in how to share this exciting news and tried to figure out the best way it may work.  From New Zealand to Taos is a bit of a trip and the wonderful retreat is for 5 days.  I knew that I wanted to be there 100% so that meant being present during in the evening and if my husband were to travel at the same time as me then it would be unfair for him to be on his own all day and night and I did not want to be at the retreat any less then 100% and knew that the two of us together would not feel fully satisfied with these arrangements. 

I could go on my own but it is a lot of money travel and our exchange rate makes a difference, so we pay more.  Is that really worth spending the money on travel for 5 days, I could stay on but what a great opportunity to have a holiday at that time and I would want the same for my husband.  Um

He could come out after me!  I can start to feel the obstacles building and I am doing all this thinking.  Now I have added the cost of just the travel - eeekk.  I feel the retreat is excellent value even with the exchange rate.  Eeekkk this is really quite selfish, isn't it?  I could work really hard, get some products on line.  I have the potential of earning as a counsellor 2 days a week next year, that goes to my student costs and The Shed.  This is new.  So you can imagine.

I ask again, am I being selfish, ABSOLUTELY.  What great timing and what a great question as I am doing Oprah Winfrey's Life Class Course, the gifts of imperfection with Brene Brown, how perfect!!!  So this is what authencity is like!  Um, a bit more challenging than I thought but when I listen to myself feels so right!  Ok, that was a good enough measure for me! 

Ok, time for the conversation, hey hubby, can we sit and have a chat, I have this wonderful, great idea and what an opportunity for both of us to go play, for me to have a focus to develop some ebooks, well actually I have heaps in the making, just need to get them completed and you will have a really happy wife.  Can you see how I have set the scene!!!  So he knows me well and knows the idea of what may be coming!!!

We sit, he sips wine, me coffee (don't drink anymore, so could do with a glass of wine).  I start my story.  John asks a couple of questions, cutting through the chase!!  So what is it that you want?  He then mentions "I don't really fancy hanging around, how about I come after?"  WHAT!!  In a matter of minutes here lies the solution!!!  All this thinking, trying to figure it out etc, etc, etc!!  I must add that before this we had the discussion around finances and I convinced him that it was an experiment and based on my earning from on line stuff and by May was the cut off because that was when we needed to pay the deposit, with this proviso that was it!! 

Now I have many messages in here, one of which is you really cannot figure out anything on your own if it involves another and although you/I may think we are trying to make easier for the other person, in fact it can make it harder as the person can feel excluded even from the exploring of possibilities, ideas, options and potential!!!  You may also save yourself heaps of unnecessary thoughts!!

What I also realised is because this retreat is something so precious for me, it was extremely challenging to follow through because it was not a 'necessity' and what would others think.  It was wonderful to work through with Brene Brown's course and really own that I did want this for a number of reasons but simply because it was to nurture and nourish my mind, body and spirit/soul and this will just make me a better everything, I will be a better person, wife, friend, coach, counsellor, etc. I really truly believe this because the last few years has seen me more happier, successful, at peace, more content because of this 'looking' after the self and going to the hard places, which opened up so much more joyful, blissful places too. 

Another obstacle, how do we actually get there??  Well a bit of trek, a number of planes, but now I know a kind of route, time to go speak to a travel agent to share that with them.  I have to thank the lovely Kerstin who used to be a travel agent and lives in Aussie and shared what I could ask for. 

In the meantime I have chosen two items I would like to put on line and one involves a long guided visualisation and prompts on sabotage.  Next obstacle, how do I download a long sound thing and connect it to Aweber, website.  Maybe I could make it simpler and choose something else to start with.  Phew and keeping this exciting as this is part of the process and I get to play with this and do the things I love with who I love and the bonus are the people I get to meet at Taos. xx

ps Taos not Chaos for the name of my creation really does not fit but I am grateful that it was a starting place, I got to sit with it, percolate it and not think of it at all and realise it was not working for me, still pondering.