Why would someone undermine themselves - well I discovered that this is what I had been doing and surprised that I had. My understanding so far is that I wanted to be accepted and liked I guess by a team I work with. I also wanted others to feel valued for who they were (and probably to be accepted and liked) and would make enquiries that were perhaps unecessary. I kind of knew the answers sometimes but anyway. Not good reasons.
Consequently I have disempowered myself and now they believe I am probably less able than I actually am. No one's fault just my own. It has been difficult and uncomfortable to discover this but I am so grateful that I now have this awareness. So I have journalled, spoke about it in supervision, with my husband, drawn about it and now blogging.
It seemed strange to put my value back it the hands of someone else. It is funny because also I am working with a client who is dying and know that perhaps on occasions I have got a little too close or emotional but see this as normal and do express my emotions. What I did not consider is that some people in the team 'don't do emotions' and therefore have had concerns that I may not be coping!
Again not anyone's fault but my goodness it has been useful for me to be reminded that although my own beliefs are about attempting to be genuine, authentic, honest and transparent does not necessarily make it right to express that if others around you have no concept of that might look like for me and of course only have their own experiences to draw on and therefore make assumptions on that. They also of course will need to protect themselves.
I am grateful that this is caught 'in time'. This has probably been around all along I have just woken up to it - haha. So my solution is to be my true self, respectful of others and myself and compassionate. We can only be what we have experienced and sometimes we forget that we are not all the same. We are all trying to do the best that we all can.
So a question for you - Can you think of one occasion where you have underminded yourself? What did you hope for by doing this? What was the outcome? How did you feel? Ok more than one question.
Muse of the Month
So today I have chosen - oh no, dont believe this - Marge Muse (KMCC (R)) is around again. She can be around when we are feeling overwhelmed, in resiitance or procrastinating. Ok her personna is about now lets get started, with absolute compassion. Just one small step lets just start. She encourages you to develop habits. You only need spend 5 - 15 minutes a day to create a habit that serves you. She is extremely supportive and believes in you and will remind you to just take a breath, one small step and you will get there, just keep going.
Ta Dah! Lists
These are credit reports that remind you just how much you are getting right and can be developed as a habit/ritual each day, even if you just think of 3 - 5 things, if this is hard what about just 1 thing. Often we easily recall what did not work without having the balance. Most of the time when you consider what worked you will probably find that the positives far out weigh the negatives. Try it!!
* What is one thing that worked for you last week?
* What is one thing that you can acknowledge yourself for and celebrate that?
Get To List - if you choose, You Get To:
* Complete the questions asked above.
* Allow Marge Muse to help you when you struggle, just hear her say "okay dokey lets just get started, just one small steps, even 5 mins."
* Choose a creative activity or something you use to love to do as a child and play, just for 5 minutes, longer if you feel like it.
* Remind yourself that you did what you did with what you knew did at the time!
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." - Woody Allen
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