I had these heavy feelings in my body. I actually verbalised that it made me feel scared to be totally with myself for 10 whole days and no contact with anyone, husband, friends etc.
For the rest of the day and the following morning, I had this constant heavy feeling in my body and head. I kept thinking negative thoughts about myself, "I am not good at being with myself, if I am walking my talk then I need to do this." My head was telling me I was a wimp, a phony. I kept telling myself that I could face my fears, I knew that it would be good for me and yet some how my body continued to not feel good at all.
I spoke with my husband and finally a friend who asked, "What is your body feeling?" Heavy I say. "Where are you feeling this?" In my tummy, chest and throat. "Do you have any feelings of excitement?" No, just heavy, dread. She simply mirrored back, your body is letting you know loud and clear that this is not what she wants. As soon as she said this I had an instant feeling of relief. I could not believe that I was judging and comparing myself and trying to be led by my head instead of trusting my body, intuition.
Get It - what is really happening, what is the issue
Finally after chatting, journalling and actually part of this was doing nothing/space. I realised that I am listening to my body. I heard the messages straight away and even voiced them, however I did not trust my body/intuition. My head got in the way.
Got It - ok I now I have got it, what are my options
- Consider alternatives
- Have compassion for needs in making choices
- Buddhist Centre
- Google silent retreats for 1 - 3 days
- Create one at home - 1 - 3 hours
- I can start small - 1 hour, maybe 30 minutes
- Have emailed 2 retreats
- Have phoned Buddhist centre
- Have emailed a friend to see if she would be interested in trying a silent retreat in my gorgeous room from 9 am - 12 noon
- I will do 3 times a week 15 - 30 minutes meditation, silence
- have compassion and do it anyway
- know that I am learning, a beginner so 1 - 5 minutes is good enough
- for me I will put in a time in my calendar
- actually I have been learning an on line/conferencing call meditation course with the lovely Beverly Beiling and can use her strategies anytime
- remind myself why I value you this and what I hope for
- remind myself how I feel when I am in the silence and after
- after this do a 15 minute meditation that I learned with Beverly
- diary another 2 times, Wednesday and Friday
- I may treat myself in between - feel like it will be a play date with myself
- choose different locations - outdoors and indoors
- writing this
- seeking support
- being honest with myself - eventually
- having compassion for myself
- my goodness so much, for today, right now, writing this and getting clarity
- making time to give myself 15 minutes
- having lovely home and garden to go explore
- having a husband and friend who are really honest with me
- hope that this helps someone else
Are you going through something right now and confused between what your head is saying and your body/intuition is saying. How would it be to ask yourself a couple of questions;
- If I did not care what others thought of me what would I do?
- If I did trust myself, what would I do?
- Do I feel any excitement, butterflies or am I just feeling all heavy?
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